I am Done with Compromise

"In a relationship, when does the art of compromise, become compromising?" Sarah Jessica Parker

"We all have a childhood dream that when there is love, everything goes like silk, but the reality is that marriage requires a lot of compromise."Raquel Welch

So who is right? Sarah or Raquel?
A man I adored had this saying as his mantra, 'Life's a compromise', he would say, frequently. It never sat well with me. I am a win/win or no deal kind of person. However I went along, thinking perhaps that way is right. I wondered, maybe I'm stubborn, unco-operative or difficult to get along with? The compromises didn't work out. It drained me. I was never quite happy with the compromises. I find some are laziness in regards to ourselves, leaving both involved dissatisfied.

"If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise." Robert Fritz

If you take the time, communicate the truth and remain open to other solutions, you can usually find something that meets needs. If you can't and that is continuous, I think you are in the wrong place. The truth is, if it is only half what you want or some other mix, it usually isn't what you want at all.

"Don't compromise yourself, you're all you've got" Janis Joplin

Today I was offered a position very similar to the one I applied for at my school. Same wage, same type of job, different location. I have promised my son I would not work at the school he now attends, which was exactly where this was. I would consider working there in the future. He has one year to go. I had to turn it down. I may not get a leadership position now.

I feel really good about my decision. Had I accepted the compromise, I would now be trying to convince my son, it would be OK. I would be hoping it would be OK. I know this is not the kind of start I would want in a challenging new job. I love what I do now and am happy to keep doing it.

Hope is Free

My son went on a camp once with a Christian youth group and came back with a t-shirt screen printed with "Hope is Free". It has stuck in my mind. I wasn't really keen on him going on that camp, but the t-shirt made it all ok. He was young and I didn't want him to get 'cult - ed' at a tender age! I had nothing to worry about it turns out.

I really like that saying, and at times lately, it is becoming a mantra. If you need it, take it on.

Big Day Out and holiday stuff....

Tonight I am feeling so very tired. I have to stay up or wake up to attempt to get 'Big Day Out' tickets for my son. We have a little Christmas traditional at stake here. The event has sold out in Sydney, so I need to be on it. 12.01am - is the time the tickets go on sale. Blah!

I booked some flights for my holidays last night. I'm going West to stay with Jane as soon as school closes. Well actually the next day! I'm excited. We've planned a road trip across the Nullabor, so it should be a great adventure.

My friends have been awesome lately. They are always great but I appreciate the way they have stayed in touch and showed a lot of care for me. I have been missing Andy plenty, yet can't complain because he's stayed in touch too.

So tonight, I'll be watching mega episodes of 'Gilmour Girls' and keeping up for the beginning of my Christmas shopping. Blah, it's too early really to even think about that frenzy.

BTW, Jaycee asked about gifts for teachers in a comment last month and I noticed this great post today on one of my favourite blogs Zen Habits:30 Frugal Gift Ideas to Show you appreciate Someone. I looked over the list and rather than reinvent the wheel, I reckon there's some great things listed there. Especially the homemade food stuff. I've had a few students over the years bring in homemade food for me. I've loved it every time and Christmas being what it is with extra visitors and celebrations, there's always room for extra food!

Sifting Through Memories

I have spent much of these 'at home' holidays, on improving my home. When my daughter moved out, my son claimed her room and lets just say the transition was quick and rough. Things have been shoved and tucked away and as a result out of the four rooms upstairs, only one has been fit to be in. I have a lot of storage space up there too, yet it has been very poorly utilised.

I have spent today sorting through the 'stuff' my daughter has kept during her 18 years so far. Her dad dropped in to see my son today and declared she had a similar stash at his place! She also has another 'home' in Melbourne with all the important stuff she needs.

I have discussed this sorting out with her and she agreed that she didn't really need to keep every assignment and workbook she had filled in the 13 years at school. I have also culled some of the things I know she wouldn't want. So we have boxes of karate memories, travel memories (she has been to US, Italy and NZ, as well as around Australia), cards and letters (who knew kids wrote to each other so much and in such a variety of ways!), photo's, important school stuff (certificates, school captain badges, photos, awards etc), soft toys, journals and diaries and performance stuff (music, drama, debating, choir).

There was so much, I didn't really have time to read her diaries and letters as I always feared my mum would when I moved out of home. I did reflect though on how much she has achieved in her life. She's awesome!

The room is empty now and the boxes are labelled and taped up and sitting in one of the storage areas. I wonder when/if she'll ever look at it all again. I just couldn't get rid of it all. I don't feel as sad as I thought I would, but it has been months since she left, so perhaps that's why it took so long.

The Return of the Son etc..

He's back. It's a good thing. The house was too empty. I never thought I would feel like that. I have always appreciated my solitude, but I was delighted to have him home early.

Tonight the friends are all here upstairs watching movies and it feels like back to normal. A new kid (NK) came along tonight.
Son: Mum this is .....
NK: She already knows me.
Me: I do?
NK: Of course you do
Son: Were you in her class?
NK: No, but everyone knows me, ha ha.

How awkward. I don't recall her. It's often the case that every kid in the school knows you and somehow expects you to know them. There are over 600 kids on our campus. Impossible! I don't think she realised I had no idea who she was. Phew!

Coughing and Spluttering

I have had the full range of winter ailments this year. On this first day of the holidays I have woken with a sore chest and cough. I did enjoy a full nights sleep last night.
I am drenched with relief that it is holidays. Last term was just too full on for me personally. I need to rest, clean my home, throw out stuff and catch up on all the details of my life. I have no travel plans. I am going to get re-acquainted with my home.
I put my son on a plane yesterday to join his dad in QLD for a holiday. It will be quiet around here without him and his friends. The last two nights there have been a tangle of bodies sleeping in his room each night and lots of comings and goings and laughter. I love the kids, but honestly will appreciate a break in the traffic.
Andy is off to Tassie today. I don't know how I feel about that. Mixed I guess, is all I can say.

Weekend ends with Deb Practise

Tom is partnering a girl at the school's deb ball on Friday night. The parents had to go to deb practise to learn the dance they do with their parent. It's a long time since I did my deb, so I was glad to have an opportunity to refresh the steps.

I stood at the back of the hall watching all these grown up teens. I had a bunch of them in year 7. They are great kids and have grown up well. It's quite amazing the change since they were at our campus 3 years ago.

I loved having Jane on Friday night. I was delighted that her daughter Ricki was there too. I haven't spent time with Ricki like that for ages. She is a great young woman. Yesterday we went for a walk and Sam is walking so well he pushed Tom in the wheelchair for a little while. It was quite amusing. I was sad to see them go.

New Moon and Partial Solar Eclipse - 11th September 2007

Nothing to see this time folks...
This eclipse will only be seen from parts of South America, Antarctica and the South Atlantic.
Diving Gracefully
I found this article about the astrology of this period and I feel like I am falling rather than diving gracefully as the article suggests one should do. I am about the age of 42 and as suggested, perhaps I am having a mid-life crisis. More likely I am just tired and coming to terms with a thing or two. I know I will get above this melancholy and resistance to the changes occurring in my life. Only 9 school days left of this term. Reports to write, parent interviews, a deb ball to attend added to the usual routine means my holidays will be a fitting reward.
Highly Charged Date
September 11th is a date we all shudder to hear. Six years ago...I remember that day facing a class of students and trying to make sense of what they'd seen on TV before coming to school that day. I hadn't been teaching long, probably about 12 months (I was a late starter at 35). Not an event we'd ever want to see repeated anywhere on the planet.
On a Lighter Note
My son is no longer in Ja'mie's top friends on MySpace. He was booted today. He took it well.
I got loaned a copy of the sequel to "Don't Call Me Ishmael". 'Ishmael and the Return of the Dugongs", I am told is even funnier. I could do with a laugh.

Ahhh...The weekend....nice

The 'Nice Blogger Awards' I would like to give to a blog I have only recently discovered. I really like Cellobella's 'SultanaBlog'. There are plenty of other blogger's that are nice, yet so many of them have already had this award, awarded!

My son's Myspace life has become busy as he was listed in the new ABC TV show 'Summer Heights High', character Ja'mie's top friends. He cracks me up with his ironic humour, both my son and Ja'mie, who is also actually a he. Speaking of son's, I notice that Meg's son wrote a post on Blogpond about Christian Indoctrination last weekend, and was still receiving comments, yesterday. Interesting.

Gone With the Wind

Helping my son with homework....
I must confess I have never helped my kids much with their homework. I don't even check if they have done it. I believe it's their homework, not mine. This weekend was an exception as Tom had to watch 'Gone With the Wind'. I was delighted to get the movie and Andy, Tom and I watched it together. It was Tom's first viewing so Andy and I provided some explanations for him about what was going on in it. There is some great information on the web about 'Gone With the Wind'. I loved the novel too. I haven't read the sequel though 'Scarlett'. I think I might though.
A few surprises...
I was surprises by the things I had to explain, such as the concept of a 'ruined' woman who had gone unchaperoned and being 'in mourning' by wearing black. I guess I take for granted that those behaviours have disappeared.
My First Viewing
I remember the first time I went to see 'Gone With the Wind' with my mum, both grandmothers and Auntie Pat. It was probably my first of many nights out with the girls! I loved it and loved Scarlett. She was such a spirited woman. I have often used her line 'I won't think about that now. I'll think about it tomorrow.'

Saturday Night's Full Moon

Taxi
Sometimes, when I am not too cranky, busy, tired, etc, I will drive my son and his friends to their assorted Saturday night engagements. I have seen some sights during these times and last night was no exception.
Parties, Gatherings, and other names for a Riot
Young people have a lot of difficulty convincing parents to have them in the family home on a weekend night. I have negotiated with my son about the specific meaning behind the word 'gathering' or 'few'. I learnt to be very clear about numbers after having a party. When I take him to little 'shindigs' and there is overflow onto the street, I have empathy for whichever parent didn't get clear about numbers. I assume the parent is home, or at least aware when I say that. I heard a classic story about an individual who sent a mass text to friends, inviting them to a get together, and in the frenzy to get the news out, included the absent parental unit. Oooops!
Pre outing drinks
The outing is preceded by assembling at someones house and having a couple of bevvies, whilst completing final touches to grooming. Straighteners, assorted hair products, alternative outfits etc are lugged to the nominated house and the girls all have a 'prebrief' (before the event debrief). I have heard harsh comments. Once all the final touches have been made a number of photo's are taken, often appearing on myspaces.
Most Recent Event
Last night I took them to an 18th at a venue. Looking splendid and slightly tipsy, they joined the throng on the footpath. After a visit to the supermarket, I did the parent thing and drove by again to check they had got in safely. There had been a problem with this venue as the host had been forewarned that only a small number of under 18 year old would be allowed in, yet the birthday celebrant had clearly invited many more than that.
The Debrief
It was an early, yet eventful night. The debrief happened at the end of the night, with another parent and a smaller, still upright group. As a teacher, I get drips and drops of what has occurred over the next week, yet last night all the information poured in on the spot. There had been friends lost, wandering, beaten up, broken hearted and the usual written off by alcohol. The most glamorous, beautiful young people, time and time again, shred their careful appearances by drinking too much.
Worry
I worry about fights, alcohol, self-esteem, about my son and the kids I teach. I am concerned about them all. It is a juggling act to stay open enough that they could call you if they need you and to not condone or support their risky behaviours. There are many parents who are prohibitive and clueless about what really goes on. I think this is dangerous. I don't feel judgemental about these kids. I love them. I know, nothing new here, but it is scary to watch.

Love is all you need

I read Craig Harper's blog on Sunday night and was touched by one of his readers stories. I have been reading this blog for a while and whilst it's often amusing, I think his latest post, 'Maybe the Beatles Were Right' is the best of his posts I've read. He's so right and perhaps so were the Beatles as well as a lot of others who have mentioned this over time. I have had my own little wake up calls around this topic this last week or so, so I know what I am talking about here.

May is seriously birthday month around here. Tom, Pat, Nicole, my nana were all born in May. I seem to know heaps of people born then also. It's Kat's birthday today. Happy birthday to you...etc.

My parents have headed off in their caravan to join the grey nomads. I'm delighted for them. I will also miss them. I love having them nearby even though I don't see them all the time. It will be great for them to get away and see this great country though.

Full Moon Eclipse?

I sure it has been the full moon eclipse business that has totally ruffled me this week. I have been tired, cranky, sad and unmotivated with no apparent reason. I have continued to exercise, but have not eaten well or recorded any stats. I have burnt meals and done last minute rushed shopping frequently.

I've had weird dreams about people I'm not really fond of and found them unexpectedly turning up in reality the next day, when I never see them and I like it like that. I haven't felt like doing any writing or creative stuff, much less disassembling the mounds of dirty clothes and trails of where I've been through the house.

Maybe it was the scary thunderstorm last night when my son was down the street and beloved was riding home on his dirt bike. I imagined all sorts of disasters striking either one of them, even whilst I knew it was saner and more pleasant to 'think positive thoughts'. Perhaps it was the heat and the rain making the heat kind of sticky rather than refreshing as I was hoping it would be.

Could be it was letting go of my daughter on the weekend and talking to her on the phone and hearing that she was tired, busy and sounded just a little overwhelmed and I couldn't get to her in an instant to help. Yet because I was moving house with daughter on the weekend I didn't do a great job of my housework and I was disorganised.

Not to mention all the consequences that flow on from those things such as not being totally prepared to teach each lesson and so getting further behind at school, or that there have been quite a fewinterruptions at school this week, such as swimming carnivals and thinkfests, all wonderful and important things that I love, yet interrupt the flow.

The good thing is that I woke this morning and thought, it's feeling better, and today was. It was much better. I achieved a lot and feel good.

Winter Naked Tree

If I think I am cold imagine how this poor tree must feel
It is so cold though. I don't feel motivated. The son's gland in his throat is so huge. I was listening to him breathe last night because I was scared the other side might get that big and there would be no channel for him to breathe through. He survived needless to say. I probably should take him to the doctors but he's already had penicillin twice this year and I don't think it is healthy. We've taken him about 4 times and had swabs and the blood tests for glandular fever. It is still happening though. I am going to make him rest and hopefully his body will find the resources to fight it once and for all.

Cooking Dinner & Desperate Housewives

Tonight I have enjoyed cooking dinner. I like Monday nights dinners. I have to confess I love watching "Desperate Housewives". I finally got that it was comedy after watching my family watch it for months. I would scoff at them saying, that show is rubbish, why do you watch it. Finally their laughter drew me in. I really enjoy it now. The last time I looked forward to such escape was when "Ally McBeal' was on. I am not sure why but I don't like much in the way of TV shows.
Anyway, because I know I am going to sit and chill and watch this show, I put extra effort into cooking dinner on Monday nights.

Does that make sense?

My part time job - taxi

I am running the son to Jeeralang today. I used to hear parents complain about running their kids around and dismissed it. I never realised how time consuming and interupting it is. A parent should be able to 'just say 'no'' but in reality you are then stuck with a long faced teenager behaving like a two year old. It is emotional blackmail. It works effectively for them as it did for me when I had the services of my parents. Actually my kids are pretty good really. They walk around town to many of the places they have to go and although they sometimes complain about this, most of the time they accept it as reality.

A success but never again....

I was crazy enough to give my 16 year old son a birthday party on Saturday night. The guest list grew out of proportion, as they do and I existed through the night in absolute stress bordering on fear to be honest. I was cranky and uptight with many of the kids and watched as about 80 kids trouped through my home out to the back yard concealing amounts of alcohol beyond thier capacity. I watched as they swayed and heard the noise level rise until I could tolerate it no longer. I turned of the music and sent them all home. They went. It was over and I breathed a sigh of relief.
They forgave me my crustiness. Only one small thing was broken and the breaker quickly reported it to me and promised to return the next day to fix it, which he actually did to my surprise and delight. No fights or agressive behaviour. My neighbour put a card in my letter box today thanking us for handling the party so well, which was a really touching and amazing thing.
There were a handful of kids who drank too much and caused me concern. Interestingly enough none of these kids were listed when the invitations went out and were all people I let in at the door because I felt sorry for them and didn't want to turn them away as all their friends were there. I guess that is why they weren't on the list - because they behave themselves in such a way as to leave themselves out. It wasn't that bad though, just annoying mostly.
I felt extra stressed because I received some really sad news on Friday night, which I won't be writing about because it is private but it made me very sad and I would have preferred to spend the weekend alone with my reminiscences. Sometimes you just don't have that option.
I will not be having any more parties like that. It was too stressful for me and not necessary. I am sad to think kids that young are drinking alcohol to enjoy themselves and I don't want it in my face again. They are good kids most of them though. This has been reinforced to me again.
For parents reading this, the kids whose parents phoned me and said they weren't allowed to drink, did not drink. They enjoyed themselves just as much and were a pleasure to have. It is a shame more parents don't make that stand, including myself.

Home fires burning

The cold weather has set in. I lit a fire tonight. I love a fire and I enjoy it once it's started but coming home to a cold house and having to collect wood and make a fire seems too much work when I am cold. It is also not good for the environment! I am going to have to find an alternative heating solution. We put jumpers on most of the time because we aren't home long enough to bother with a fire, which realistically is only viable if you are going to be home for a length of time. I am concerned that if we get a more convenient form of heating it will be overused. Decisions decisions!

Today both my children were unwell. Tom was collected early yesterday and stayed home today. Ash was collected early today. I am feeling a little ordinary also so I am really glad it is the weekend. I would like to stay in bed all weekend and read and eat chocolate. I have some movies to watch also. This is a fantasy because there are a few things I really have to do!

A good day was had by all

I loved today. It was one of those flow days when things fall into place and plans work for everyone. Here is a photo of a corner of my home that I particularly like at just that time when the sun comes in the window.

I made a bit of progress on a project I am working on today and found a few useful tools that will add a lot of value I think.

I rearranged appointments successfully so everyone got their needs met - I love it when that happens.

I made some good decisions about my mosaic. I haven't put them into action and I realised today there is not a hope of completing it before going back to work on Monday, but that's ok, because I want to do it properly. I am getting clearer and clearer about how I want it to be. I'm in no rush to get it right. I'm enjoying the process.

I'm feeling happy, creative and very grateful about my life. Just like I was when my daughter Asha rang to say she had a surplus of chocolate and could we help her out. Here's a picture of Tom with a mouth full.

I went for a lovely walk tonight and bumped into an old friend who I discovered lives just around the corner. It made me realise how far I have come in the last 10 years and how much I love my life.

I enjoyed window shopping. I prefer that to shopping in the daytime. The crowds of shoppers don't allow you to stand and stare. The lighting always makes things look better at night.

Awesome Youth

Camp was great. The students were enthusiastic and a joy to be around. Wilson's Prom was as breathtakingly beautiful as it always is. The weather provided a pleasant enough stage to abseil, surf and walk, but canoeing proved too difficult with the wind on Thursday morning. I loved watching the kids develop friendships and independence and to my delight all students were collected within half an hour of our return, which is the best record yet.
There were some amazing young people on camp that really pushed themselves through their fears and limitations. The behavior was great and they responded very well to all that was asked of them. It was a really positive experience and I am looking forward to spending the year with this group. I know I say that every year, but only because it is true.
Any parents reading this please note that your children really miss you when they are away. They also appreciate your homes and food and many of them can't wait to get home to their own showers and beds and cooking. They also mention brothers and sisters wistfully in ways you'd never probably believe as well as pets. Know you are loved and missed!
When I got home I collected my son from his friend's house. The mother there said to me what a marvelous boy he was and how he is always welcome in their home. I felt proud as I always do. I often hear this about my son and feel such joy for him that he is so well loved. I know how great he is but it is wonderful to hear it from others.