Observing ease....

I have felt a lot of ease about returning to work. Things that once instigated rage in me are not so upsetting now. Something has changed. I think the fact that my own children are no longer at the school where I work has taken some of the emotional charge out of wanting things to be the best they can be for them. I am not sure this is a good thing to lose. Does this mean I don't care as much now that I am not driven by the self interest or my childrens interests? I have a feeling I may actually be a better, calmer teacher though. I have to observe it all and reflect more on it. I also don't have a leadership position. I guess I feel less responsible for the disorganisation so I have patience with it. I don't want to stress anyone else out like I was feeling a lot of the time whilst I was in that position. I am enjoying the conversations I am having with others more because I am not in a position of service to them as much. I feel I can choose more about what I contribute and do more than I could before. I felt obligated to do certain things before and this was like a chain around me. I have also let go of expectation. I have given up. I have less attatchment to the place. It has come down from it's pedestal and it's now just a workplace. Although I am uncertain about what has exactly caused the ease I am feeling, I am not stopped from thoroughly delighting in it.

Happy Chinese New Year - Year of the Fire Dog

We start back at work tomorrow. It will be the start of a new year indeed. The holidays have been awesome. These ones really lasted; like they used to when I was a kid. I think I am becoming more present in each moment. My mind is not always off doing something else making time slip away too quickly because it is not fully felt. I feel really healthy too. The small changes to my eating and exercise habits over the last 12 months have paid off more than any short term diet I have tried. I haven't meditated as much these holidays as I usually do, but I have spent a lot of time in nature and I reckon that's as good meditation as you can get.
I have barely given a thought to work these weeks away. I hope for a fresh start and avoid getting carried away with the politics and pain of the place. I want to focus on learning and the young people in my care. I know who my friends are now, so it should be easier. The rest I will handle. I expect to have more of a relaxing time without the leadership responsibilities. I am not going to be putting my hand up for anything!

Drs

I have to take my daughter to the drs. She has sprained her ankle. This is my second visit for the week as my son also had to go on Tuesday because he had a badly infected throat. The dr wanted to give him a penicillin injection it was that bad, but sleep and tablets has repaired it. He is much better. I am concerned that he is not taking enough care of himself and I may need to interfere. I don't really tell my kids when to eat, sleep etc but maybe I will have to if he doesn't look after himself better. Daughter just fell in a hole. Not much I could do about that. From the moment you have kids you want to protect them from everything but you can't. Not that I do much at all to them other than want and worry and hope. I nag occasionally, but mostly I am too caught up in my own world to interfere too much with thiers. They are doing a great job of themselves though, so it isn't too bad a method.

The Weir

The weir has extended my holidays now that we have returned home. The weather has been warm and each afternoon we have driven out and had a swim. I've enjoyed the water this year like no other since I was a kid. These holidays have lasted longer and been more pleasurable.

The first day we were there, a family of kids was in the water where we were swimming and it was fun listening to the kids conversations. One kid (a girl I think) jumped in and said "oooh seaweed." The boy replied "It's not seaweed, you goose, it's weir weed." It was funny. The weed put me off a little at first, but the rest was too good to be skittish about that. After all I walk through grass to get there, what's the big deal?

Above the clouds

Our last camping night was spent above the clouds at the Mt Skene lookout. I was so tired from the fear and supressed rage of the day that I retired to the tent before the sun left the sky. I am glad I took this photo of the wildflowers and the tops of the hills or I may have missed the beauty of the place entirely.

Huge Massive Flies

Once I had decided we were nearly home, I wanted to be there. The last two days I was cranky a bit of the time, companion would say most of the time. Feeling sorry for myself in an instance I took a photo of this massive fly that was trying to bite into my massive size 9 boot. I had to watch this fly because I was scared it would bite into me if I ignored it for a moment.

We had been driving along really rugged roads, that were definately more 4 wheel drive tracks and I had no idea where we were or how we were going to get out of it.

Camping on the banks of the Murray

One of my favorite stops on the trip home was on the Murray. I loved going for a swim in the evening and in the morning. It was warm when we stopped at Echuca. It was delicious.

I was amazed at the number of people in all different kinds of boats using the Murray. We stayed at Picnic Point, NSW, one night and then camped at the banks at Echuca. They were both great.

Got to visit Auntie Angela and Uncle John whilst I was there who both provide accomodation in Echuca. There places are great, but naturally booked out at this time of the year so I didn't even try them, visited them the morning later.
I do worry about the Murray though, we seem to use it so much, I just hope it can be kept healthy and flowing because it is such a provider to that part of the world.

Joy

I am happy to see my kids today after nearly a month. They got back from the Prom looking healthy and happy. They had a great time and were so grateful and content about themselves and their lives. I feel quite overwhelmed by joy about this. I really appreciate our lives and the great freedom and fun we have. We are very lucky and I guess I want to take a break today from recounting about Broken Hill to just say I am delighted with my life. I am pleasantly surprised by it. I honestly didn't think I would ever get to be this blissful. I still have mess to clean up and disorganisation and financial challenges and all the same old stuff, but my family and friends and lifestyle is brilliant and it means everything to me.
We had a downpour today and Tom was dancing in the rain and showering under the gutters. Yes my lawns need mowing!

Murals

Broken Hill has heaps of murals painted on the walls of plenty of buildings. They show all different aspects of the Hill as the locals call it.

Broken Hill & Women

There was a wonderful woman who looked after us when we stayed at Broken Hill. She told me when she arrived she was the first woman to get a job at the previously male dominated club there.
Married women were not able to work, the theory was this would retain jobs for single women and naturally it would retain the male as breadwinner in the family.
This memorial in the picture is in the middle of the outdoor shopping mall in Broken Hill. I liked it.

Living Desert

Living Desert Sculpture Park

The sunrise was definately the time to go. The place has amazing 180 degree views. Andy has much better photo's than mine so I will frame one of his.

We always manage to get up for one sunrise on our holidays. It really is the best time to take photo's and this was a great place.

The Journey

The roads were long and dusty and hot. I loved it from the comfort of the air conditioned car. The sky was huge. It will take me a few days to work out where all the photos are.

This was on the road to Lake Mungo.

I'm home now and I had a sensational 3 weeks. It feels like I've returned a different, happier, freer person. I love these kinds of holidays.

Quick note from Broken Hill

I am at the library at Broken Hill, using my last 10 minutes of time that I have left. This trip has been amazing. I have some great photo's to put up but all that will have to wait until I get home. Broken Hill is a great place, the people are so helpful and generous and friendly. The place we are staying in absolutely rocks thanks to the lady who cleans and cooks and chats. She is a real character and her cooking has been scrummy.
This morning we got up at dawn and went out to the sculptures in the Living Desert. It was fabulous because we went there last night at sunset and there were heaps of people there including a couple of loud people who wanted to share with all of us what a wine could do to her volume. This morning it was just Andy and I. Great! Happy with photo's too.
I'm missing my family especially my son. I read his blog before. I love him so much. He really knows how to appreciate his life.
Got to go, library staff are packing up. Don't want to be kicked out.