Massage Reflections

Tonight I had my last massage for 2007. It was lovely. This morning in the staff room, many teachers were complaining of sore backs and shoulders from long hours hunched over the computer, writing reports. I went to the chiropractor last night. Two other teachers had been there before me. I feel great, even though I had a pretty busy and demanding day.

I was chatting to the masseur tonight about the many courses I have done in my life. I love learning new things and she does too. She was commenting on how people sometimes think you are crazy to be learning all the time or doing more courses. I have usually done some kind of study at most times of my life. Even when I am not formally attending a school, I have been focused on learning some new skill or practising something new.

Blogging would be in that category. I don't know everything there is to know about blogging, but I know enough to do it to the level I want to, with ease. I expect to learn more over time, yet at a more gradual pace now. One of my friends commented to me last night, after checking out my blog that I must put a lot of time into it. I have in the past, yet I don't really now. I would spend around half an hour on a post usually. Occasionally I spend a couple of hours when I want to rearrange or shuffle things about, or have something I really want to write properly about.

What's the connection between massaging, blogging and learning? Well I realised today that I do all that learning to make the things I want to do quicker and easier. Short term pain, long term gain. I think you are crazy if you don't try to make your life easier and more effective! Learning is the fastest route I know of.

Scorpio New Moon Observations

I'm feeling quite contemplative today. I blame the Scorpio new moon. It's good for all the writing I want to do though. I made a great start last night and met the quota I had set for myself. It's all very crude though and I know it would need massive editing if I were to take it any further or expose it to another.

Secrets are being told. I have heard a couple these last few days. Surprising secrets, not the ones I've been avoiding.

I have to get a haircut. I had it cut only 5 weeks ago. The grey is more obvious so that needs attending to also! Short hair saves time on a daily basis, but I find I have to go to the hairdressers regularly. I am testing the theory that if you get your hair cut before the new moon, it grows slower. When I wanted to grow my hair long, I would get it cut as soon as possible after the new moon. I know how busy the next few weeks could be, so I am doing it now.

Links to Great Online Posts

I've read some really inspiring and uplifting blog posts this week that I'd like to share. It's a good place for me to store them too I might add, I'm fairly confident I'll want to reread them.


Christine Kane: 9 Irresistible Reasons to Go Complaint-Free Starting Right Now
Christine Kane's blog is usually a great read and one of my favourites. Going complaint free seems like a very positive way to make a major change in your life. It sounds simple but I'll let you know how I go!


Ruth Ostrow: Seek Your Own Fez House
This is just the kind of inspiring story I love. It involves renovating and exotic locations and throwing caution to the wind.


Craig Harper: The Choices We Make When We Choose Nothing
Another great reminder from Craig Harper about being proactive in our lives. He makes me laugh, even when I intensely dislike the truth he is telling.


Duncan's TVAdland: Dove Boy Meets Amy
I love these Dove Self-Esteem fund clips and this latest one is simple, yet beautiful.

I am Done with Compromise

"In a relationship, when does the art of compromise, become compromising?" Sarah Jessica Parker

"We all have a childhood dream that when there is love, everything goes like silk, but the reality is that marriage requires a lot of compromise."Raquel Welch

So who is right? Sarah or Raquel?
A man I adored had this saying as his mantra, 'Life's a compromise', he would say, frequently. It never sat well with me. I am a win/win or no deal kind of person. However I went along, thinking perhaps that way is right. I wondered, maybe I'm stubborn, unco-operative or difficult to get along with? The compromises didn't work out. It drained me. I was never quite happy with the compromises. I find some are laziness in regards to ourselves, leaving both involved dissatisfied.

"If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise." Robert Fritz

If you take the time, communicate the truth and remain open to other solutions, you can usually find something that meets needs. If you can't and that is continuous, I think you are in the wrong place. The truth is, if it is only half what you want or some other mix, it usually isn't what you want at all.

"Don't compromise yourself, you're all you've got" Janis Joplin

Today I was offered a position very similar to the one I applied for at my school. Same wage, same type of job, different location. I have promised my son I would not work at the school he now attends, which was exactly where this was. I would consider working there in the future. He has one year to go. I had to turn it down. I may not get a leadership position now.

I feel really good about my decision. Had I accepted the compromise, I would now be trying to convince my son, it would be OK. I would be hoping it would be OK. I know this is not the kind of start I would want in a challenging new job. I love what I do now and am happy to keep doing it.

Hope is Free

My son went on a camp once with a Christian youth group and came back with a t-shirt screen printed with "Hope is Free". It has stuck in my mind. I wasn't really keen on him going on that camp, but the t-shirt made it all ok. He was young and I didn't want him to get 'cult - ed' at a tender age! I had nothing to worry about it turns out.

I really like that saying, and at times lately, it is becoming a mantra. If you need it, take it on.

Solitude

I have had ridiculously late nights all week. In my delicious solitude I have kept no track of time and have eaten when I feel hungry. I found myself going to bed after 3.00am most nights. I haven't lived like this for years. I am generally in bed before 10.00 most nights. I'm not sure what has gotten into me!

I haven't been reading as much as a result. Normally I go to bed at 9.00ish and read for an hour. As I have been so late going to bed, I have gone straight to sleep. I have been sleeping in as well.

I used to live like this all the time when I was younger. I don't really like it. I am going to bed early tonight. I want to read and awake early. I am heading to Melbourne tomorrow to catch up with loved ones.

Easter Reflection

I learnt this week the peacock was an early christian symbol for eternal life. The legend was that the peacock flesh didn't decay. I like this symbol. I have always found Easter to be a time of letting go of older, worn out ways of being or thinking. I like the theme of regeneration and immortality.
Although I am not religious in practise, I have usually had some kind of insight or renewal of self at this time of the year. Now I look forward to it.
No it's not just all about the hot cross buns and the chocolate, yet I wouldn't be without those either!

Trip to Wollongong - Final thoughts

I learnt I am very afraid of heights on the trip. I am getting worse. Andy, in one of his amusing moments took a rather unflattering clip of me getting down from a monument that I had climbed thinking I could get a better shot. I suddenly felt overwhelmed by fear. You won't find this video, because it hasn't been put online. This horrible 'fear of heights' feeling came along several times during the trip, particularly on the 'Suggan Buggan' road and some of the lookouts.

I learnt that I prefer to stay a while in places rather than pass quickly through. We usually spend a week at a place we holiday to and I found this website today Slow Travel, and I totally agree it is the best way. I guess when we visited Broken Hill last year for a week and traveled to and from taking a week either way, it was the same. The most enjoyable part is the week long stay at the destination. We think we will spend a couple of weeks next year in the one spot rather than spend as much time travelling. We do like to take roads off the beaten track though, which takes longer. I thoroughly agree with the concept of 'slow travel' though. You need time in a place to appreciate it and to really relax there.

I learnt that I prefer smaller places and larger accomodation. I need to get fitter and healthier to continue to enjoy walking and camping. Wollongong was a beautiful place. It was not the industrial city I had thought it was.

I really enjoyed Andy's company and appreciate the care and planning he puts into these trips. I wouldn't see a quarter of the marvellous thing I get to see without him.

The coast is so populated. I was quite astonished by this. The price of real estate is high along the coast.

2006 School Year Complete

Is there anything sweeter than the first days of a long holiday period? The weeks stretch out before me. I am generating lots of to do lists and pottering around setting little things straight around my home. I am preparing for our summer trip and excited about the adventure it will be. I am purchasing last minute gifts for Christmas and looking forward to the big day when I'll feast with the family and give and get.
Yesterday, although it was the first day of my holidays, I went into work to tie up a few loose ends that in my rush to finish I had not managed to attend to. I tried to kid myself that it would wait until next year, but they niggled at me in the morning and I knew they would lose their significance if I didn't have them done. I feel at peace now and complete with my year.
In reflecting on this year of teaching, it hasn't been one of my better years to be honest. I have been cranky and haven't managed to build positive relationships with as many of my students as I have in previous years. I am aware of some of the reasons for this, but can not excuse myself. I have made my work harder and feel I have not given my best to the kids. Over the holidays I want to redesign my thinking in this area. I like teaching because I learn so much. I am letting it go now though. It's done. Next year I will be better for having learnt what I have this year.

Popularity

I have noticed that to be popular can have a real negative conotation. Students often say to me "They are popular", like it means they have some flaw in their character. It seems to me that tall poppy syndrome is alive and well when I hear that. I have observed popular people and found that these people in most cases have a genuine love of other people that allows them to make and keep good relationships with others.
There seems to be an underlying opinion that if something is popular it is rubbish. If something pleases most or many of the people, it must be unworthy. Perhaps politicians and those who seek popularity have created this image. Many people who are popular though do not seek popularity as such but find it as a precessional effect of their ability to be of service to others.
A popular decision can sometimes be difficult to find - but when dealing with others, isn't it best to try to find a solution that pleases the greatest number of people.

Questions

What will the new media laws mean for us? I just heard them mention them on the news. I got my update from the Buckminster Fuller Institute and they referred to an article about the UN saying something inspiring this question:Is it possible to power the world with solar power from the sahara desert?
Which makes me wonder:Whatever happened to GENI? I really want to know what progress has been made and whether this is possible. I should check it out. but....
These questions and others remain unanswered tonight, because I feel really very tired and am going to blob in front of the TV, then head to bed early with my book. I am enjoying my week though and not sure why I feel so tired. Never mind, go with the flow, even to bed...

Full Moon Wonderings

Ella has a cold. She is our beautiful whippet and last night she was coughing. I am not very experienced with dog illnesses so I was really concerned. I thought she had something really wrong. I wondered if family leave included pets. In the middle of the night I decided probably not and thought how unfair that is.

Transformation

I received a free tarot reading for mothers day this morning. I rushed through it and noticed of all the cards that I got the Death card. It is so appropriate for me right now. I have had a seriously busy week and lots of things have happened around me that I won't go into because they are mostly other people's stories and not mine to tell. I'll just say that some of my closest friends have been through harsh times. It hurts to see people you love hurt. I feel changed.
I got an email from another Tarot site that I used to read about the Death card meaning transformation. I guess it was there to insist even if I had been too rushed this morning to register it in the reading. I got it.
I have made some decisions about small changes I am going to instigate in my life.
My long time and treasured friend, Jane bought me this gorgeous treat from the bakery as a gift for a small favour I did and I couldn't possibly eat it without photographing it. The anticipation and visual deliciousness of it deserves sharing. I'll let you know if the taste measures up!

What would the world be like without poverty?

It would be a totally different place. For there to be no poverty, so much would have to change. I am thinking about that today.

Cell

I wish I had a dollar for every time the word cell was in the newspaper. There are so many of them, stem cells, terrorist cells, storm cells, jail cells and cancer cells. Most of them don't sound very good. I wonder why the word is used so often.

Louis Sachar & school counsellors

I read Holes at school during reading class a few weeks ago and really enjoyed it. I watched the video last Friday night and it was great. I am going to use this book and film with students as I feel there are a lot of good things to be learnt from it. I found another book There's a Boy in the Girls Bathroom by Sachar. It gave me a whole new appreciation for the counsellor at our school. I don't know how often I have heard or said the comment that the counsellor is not doing enough to help. I read that book and it made me appreciate the kind of long term effort it can take with people for counsellors. It is an important role and to expect instant results would be silly. It is a great book, was an enjoyable and mostly very light story. I also think there is something in that story for everyone. I realised in reflection on my own behaviour how it is easy to become disliked when you are angry and sad. You push others away and this can really happen very quickly that you end up with few people who want to be around you. It is not some kind of huge personality disorder, that needs to be untangled. It was a great read.

Rethinking Me

I have gone over half way on nanowrimo. I feel such a sense of accomplishment. I love this. I have had a few struggly moments, but they have been fleeting, hence moments was the word I used not hours or days.
I have been sick with my lumpy underarm, sore throat tired virus.
Whilst I have been lying around feeling sick and sorry for myself I have been thinking about all my life decisions and what I wanted to be when I grew up and what I have turned out to be. I need to think more on it. I don't feel as inclined to make rash decisions as I once was. I am not in the position to up and leave my job as I used to. I am just thinking about changing the energy I give to my job. It was only meant to be a short-term thing to tide me over and now I have found myself putting all my energy into it. It is not that it is a bad thing to put all your passion and energy into. It's just not meant to be my thing I think. It has given me a very good couple of years but I think it really is time to make some changes to the way I do life and work is one of those things. It has consumed me the last 5 years. It has mostly been a mutual affair, but now I am ready to change things.

Visit to Melbourne

On Monday I went with a busload of year 9 student's to Melbourne for the day. We toured the Arts Centre. It was interesting and there were a lot of facts about how much and when that revolved around the cost and trouble of building it and I can't remember them all but I got the general vibe that it was very expensive and involved. Now it is there for all Victorians to enjoy, the tour guide said.
It is a beautiful building, but I doubt all Victorians are able to enjoy it. Take that one class for instance. Not one student had ever been there before. Victoria is a big place. I don't know what I was left feeling about it all.
I guess catching the water taxi from Southbank to the Polly Woodside was another experience that left me feeling a little amazed. It has all changed so much from when I worked in the city in the mid 80's. It is unrecognisable actually. I used to walk across the bridge to an annexe in Sth Melbourne and I don't even recognise where I would go now. The landscape has totally changed.
Progress?

The United States of Leland

I watched this tonight. Although it was quite touching and painful, it was enjoyably so.

This week has been busy and had it's highs and lows. I am finding it still difficult to get on with things at work. I struggle to shift my focus and resist being negative. I don't like myself and my thoughts at work.
This is the longest I have been in a job. Four and a half years......
I am continuing to question myself and trying to find the truth beneath the upset. I am sure there is something I am not learning that is keeping me suspending in this struggle. I want to be released. It is possibly not even about work. I don't know. I just feel really hurt and upset and whilst I am trying to pretend everything is ok and I am over it, I am dreaming and crying in my dreams and I can't escape it.