Girlosophy and Anthea Paul

Last night I went to see Anthea Paul speak at the Gippsland Womens Health Annual General Meeting in Sale. She is one of the most engaging speakers I have listened to, in a long time. I was very overtired and nearly didn't bother - I'm so pleased I did!

It helped that her message is exactly the kind of message I try to get out to my students every day. It's easy to like someone who agrees with you :-). Yet seriously, there is a woman who is a fitting role model for young women. She is passionate, intelligent and articulate. She recognises true beauty and spirit for what it is and casts all imitations offered to young women today aside.

Anthea has written a series of books for young women, which I will be purchasing and reading. I will no doubt share them here, when I am done. Her message is worthy and I intend to take it up. She is currently visiting a number of schools and communities in Gippsland, so if you have the opportunity to see her, do whatever it takes to get there. Take your daughter!

Respect

Yesterday whilst waiting between interviews at parent teacher night I read this great piece of writing from 'The Age': 'Show respect, don't demand it'. There is so much accuracy in this article that I would recommend you to read it and reflect on it.
A colleague gave it to me for a read and as soon as I read the headline I agreed. I guess the bottom line is really that as teachers we can demand all we want, yet from experience, both personal and observed, the only way we are ever going to get it, is if we give it. Not just as teachers either I would suggest, as parents, partners, employees, even bloggers I imagine.
My parent teacher interviews were wonderful. I met with mostly very loving, supportive parents who have great kids. It was a pleasure to be able to share with them my observations about progress and personal gratitude for their young people.

Parent Teacher Interviews

Today I asked a kid to get his parents in for an interview. I have taught this young man for 3 years. He is the only student I have ever taught for three years in a row. It has been a pleasure to teach him. I have never requested an interview with his parents. I have never felt any need to see them. He has usually worked well, behaved well and been caring and compassionate with other students. I realised today, this would be the final parent-teacher interviews I would have a chance to meet them. I really want to tell them face to face, what a wonderful job they have done with their son.
Positive Calls
Our principal asked us last year to make a positive phone call home. She suggested that instead of focusing on negative behaviour and phoning parents to let them know what the child was doing wrong, that we chose someone who was doing the right thing and phoned the parents and let them know their child was doing great. I took the challenge and phoned a parent of a kid I'd been quite impressed with that week. The parent was delighted and the kid was my friend for life. I still get a huge smile every time I see him, he's left our school now.
Good Intentions
After that experience, I thought I ought to do it once a week. It made me feel so good as well. I haven't done it since though. I'm setting an intention to make at least one of those calls this week before school finishes. I hope that those parents do visit me at parent teacher interviews too!

Recapping My Weekend

Pa
Pa is back in hospital again. He turned 87 on the 8th. I haven't been able to see him for a week because I had the flu again and didn't want to expose him to it. I am worried about him.
Lovely Saturday Afternoon Visit
Visited Andy's mum on Saturday afternoon. She's had a delightful renovation done on her back veranda. I am very impressed. White rooms, floor, ceiling, walls, big windows, white mermot blinds and gorgeous red leather couches and mats. I should have taken a photo. That room was appealing. I had a divine and tasty lunch and was fed so well it brought back my nana's cooking.
Saturday Night Taxi Service
My good friend Rhonda and I put their theatre room to good use whilst spending the time between depositing the young people at their parties and returning to get them home. We watched 'Thank You for Smoking'. Possibly not a great choice for my quitting phase, yet it didn't do too much damage.
Housework - Bare Minimum
Enough said. Changed the sheets, a touch of vacuuming - blah.
Reading
I started 'Boys of Blood and Bone' by David Metzenthen this weekend. I have a pile of good books again and I feel really good about that. When I had the flu, it came when my pile of books had been down to the last unread one. It was kind of scary. When I went to work/school on Friday, I ensured I visited the library and restocked my pile. I have one from the CBCA Awards list - an Elizabeth Honey, one of my favourites as well as the James Moloney sequel to 'The Book of Lies', 'Master of the Books'. It's helping with the pain of finishing Harry Potter.

Now I will go to bed early and read!

Being Bee by Catherine Bateson

Catherine Bateson
I have enjoyed many of Catherine Bateson's novels. My favourite was 'Painted Love Letters'. She sensitively handles times of change and relationships for young people and creates such interesting and alive characters.

'Being Bee'
This latest novel tackles the stepmother and tells a tale of a father and daughter team including a new woman in the house. It has been shortlisted for the CBCA Awards 2007 for Younger Readers. It replaces the stereotypical wicked stepmother with a new type of stepmother who is flawed and annoying yet gradually appreciated. It was an enjoyable light read.

Saturday Night's Full Moon

Taxi
Sometimes, when I am not too cranky, busy, tired, etc, I will drive my son and his friends to their assorted Saturday night engagements. I have seen some sights during these times and last night was no exception.
Parties, Gatherings, and other names for a Riot
Young people have a lot of difficulty convincing parents to have them in the family home on a weekend night. I have negotiated with my son about the specific meaning behind the word 'gathering' or 'few'. I learnt to be very clear about numbers after having a party. When I take him to little 'shindigs' and there is overflow onto the street, I have empathy for whichever parent didn't get clear about numbers. I assume the parent is home, or at least aware when I say that. I heard a classic story about an individual who sent a mass text to friends, inviting them to a get together, and in the frenzy to get the news out, included the absent parental unit. Oooops!
Pre outing drinks
The outing is preceded by assembling at someones house and having a couple of bevvies, whilst completing final touches to grooming. Straighteners, assorted hair products, alternative outfits etc are lugged to the nominated house and the girls all have a 'prebrief' (before the event debrief). I have heard harsh comments. Once all the final touches have been made a number of photo's are taken, often appearing on myspaces.
Most Recent Event
Last night I took them to an 18th at a venue. Looking splendid and slightly tipsy, they joined the throng on the footpath. After a visit to the supermarket, I did the parent thing and drove by again to check they had got in safely. There had been a problem with this venue as the host had been forewarned that only a small number of under 18 year old would be allowed in, yet the birthday celebrant had clearly invited many more than that.
The Debrief
It was an early, yet eventful night. The debrief happened at the end of the night, with another parent and a smaller, still upright group. As a teacher, I get drips and drops of what has occurred over the next week, yet last night all the information poured in on the spot. There had been friends lost, wandering, beaten up, broken hearted and the usual written off by alcohol. The most glamorous, beautiful young people, time and time again, shred their careful appearances by drinking too much.
Worry
I worry about fights, alcohol, self-esteem, about my son and the kids I teach. I am concerned about them all. It is a juggling act to stay open enough that they could call you if they need you and to not condone or support their risky behaviours. There are many parents who are prohibitive and clueless about what really goes on. I think this is dangerous. I don't feel judgemental about these kids. I love them. I know, nothing new here, but it is scary to watch.

Mothers Day

I had a beautiful mothers day for lots of reasons. My kids spoilt me with my favourite things, warm slippers, chocolates, books and DVDs. I love being spoilt. I have always totally enjoyed mothers day and my birthday. I'm definately not one of those 'Don't make a fuss' people. I say bring on the treats.
I had a great surprise at school today also when one of my reluctant readers turned up reading a book. He told me enthusiastically he'd enjoyed reading. That's all it takes to make me smile as a teacher.
All is well in my world.

Be Here Now

As Mason Jennings so beautifully sings it in this song. I want to try to be here now a little more. I remember when I first heard this song, driving with Andy in a National Park, somewhere between here and Wollongong. My brother Tim, with his awesome music taste had given it to me for Christmas. I really appreciate Tim's music taste and his selections he gives us all for Christmas.

I found my gratitude rock today and used it. It was given to me by some great kids on camp at Tamboritha last year. I had told them about gratitude rocks, so they found this massive rock and wrote "gratitude rock" on it and gave it to me. It always makes me smile and remember.

I had to go to the drs today and whilst I was waiting there was this beautiful baby girl lying in her capsule with her eyes glued on her mother. The mum didn't seem to notice and I remembered when my kids were babies, I wouldn't have noticed either. You could almost see the adoration as a tangible thing coming from that baby girl. It was so beautiful to watch. I was feeling a little stressed at the time and I am sure it totally calmed me to watch this.

Chumscrubbers

Last night I watched this movie,Chumscrubbers. My son recommended it to me and said it was like Donnie Darko as he knew I'd really enjoyed that. He finds great movies!
Andy and I found this movie quite disturbing, because we can see the reality in it. It was scary to watch and scary because you can recognise so much of our existance in it. I was just saying to my friend the other day how I really don't know what my kids life is like, but I just have to trust them. I really try to stay in good communication with them but I know there are times I don't succeed. I don't think I am as extreme as the parents in the movie, but I am confident that some of us are some of the time. If you are a parent, you should watch this.
It also speaks to me of the drug culture in our society. I really find the ADHD drugging of children disturbing. I am not an expert and I probably don't have any qualification to say that, but I just feel it's not right. It reminds me of that other great film 'Thumbsuckers', it had one of the same actors in it as well as a host of other great names.
I found this little clip on MSN that discusses the parent angle in this film, you might like to watch that too.
On a lighter note, this blogger found this to comment on, which is another aspect of the film that was lighter and more enjoyable.

Ups and Downs

This week has been a rollercoaster ride. I have been all over the place emotionally and mentally.
My daughter had her graduation this week and because she was school captain, had to give a speech. I was so proud of her and in awe of her speaking abilities. She has such a presence when she speaks in public and I am always bursting with pride when I hear her. I also feel a little nostalgic about her finishing school.
My son has had a bit of a health issue that we're still not sure about. I am worried yet hopeful it will all be ok at the same time. So therefore quite up and down about that.
Naturally it is report writing week!
I managed to squeeze in 'An Inconvenient Truth', with the school and it lived up to it's name because it was inconvenient. When you live in a regional area though, you have to support these films with small niche audiences,or they don't come back! Also there was a group organised from school/work, so I didn't want to miss it either.
I read weblogg-ed: "Is Reading Dead" this morning and remembered a lovely moment this week, I might have forgotten in the big action of this week. One of my year 7s who at the beginning of the year hated reading came to tell me she had finished the book I recommended for her last week. As I was so busy and self absorbed, I nearly brushed her off with a nod and a 'well done' smile, but she wouldn't accept that. She said "Tell me, did you cry?". I had to have a look then and really remember the book. It was Painted Love Letters by Catherine Bateson. I admitted that I had sobbed when I read it. It was a great book. She really wanted to share the effect it had on her.
These are the peak moments for me as a teacher. I nearly lost that moment in the rush of the week, so my answer to the question 'Is reading dead?', is no way. This happens quite regularly enough for me to keep going to school every day, correcting, writing reports, doing yard duty and all the other parts of being a teacher that I find less inspiring and enjoyable.

Sunday dinner & 'The Secret'

Last night we had our family Sunday dinner thing, that I have insisted upon since the midyear holidays. I was away at Loch Sport and I did a tonne of reading in the Personal Growth category. I took a few podcasts and generally had a big revision of my life, as I am inclined to do fairly regularly, anyway, the big thing, that I felt I was unhappy about was the lack of time I spend with my kids. I know it is natural for them to be out and about being teenagers, but I missed them. I already have to share them with their dad and now with their friends and part-time jobs added to that, it seemed I was just squeezing in the occasional nag about the mess in their rooms.
So whilst I was away I decided that I would back off with the nagging and let go of expected them to be home all the time, but in exchange for that they would both have to promise to be home for dinner on Sunday nights. We would eat together, at the dinner table, a good meal and catch up. I love Sunday nights now. Previously they had simply been a last clutch of the weekend, but now I plan a great meal, we set the table and enjoy each others company.
After dinner we sometimes watch a movie and once we played the DVD game my brother gave us for Christmas last year. It was great fun. Anyway, I'm sure you can see where this is heading.. Last night I forced them to watch 'The Secret'. They all complained and doubted and thought they would end up having to buy something. Afterwards, they all said they enjoyed it and that it was good. Regardless of their experience of it, I enjoyed it a lot more watching it for the second time. I noticed a few more things and I think I will watch it regularly to remind myself. Thoughts are Things.

VCE Time

I am proud of my daughters journey through the schools I have sent her to. She has always strived to do her best and has worked well at learning and building positive relationships with her peers and teachers. I haven't given her much assistance with her work and have never believed in motivating my children to study. 'Education is it's own reward.' is what I have chanted to them over the years. There have been no prizes or monetary values placed on doing well at school. There are no threats about doing poorly. It is after all, their own adventure into the world, they need to make mistakes so they can learn.

The imput I have had with both my children has been the occasional conversation when the frustration has built and they have fortunately chosen to discuss it with me rather than take extreme measures. The frustrations have usually come from teachers who don't care or don't know, or the typical dilema's with other students. There have been tough times and joyful times. I teach at the school they attended in junior secondary so it has been challenging for all of us at times. I do know the characters they are grappling with and not much could be hidden about actions they take.

Now she is doing her VCE exams and has prepared herself very well, throughout the year and now at the main event, she is taking responsibility to be the best she can be. I don't need the results to come in. I know she is a great success, and I am proud of her.

How TV Effects Your Kids

Yesterday I watched a great movie called Thumbsuckers. It contained a great line that has really made me think "Television is a Trojan Horse in our Homes" (Thumbsuckers). I don't watch much TV anymore. In fact I reckon I would watch less than 2 hours a week. I don't find any value in it. In fact I find it annoying. I get news online now and I like that I can read lots of views from around the world.
This link is to an article that highlights some of the negatives of tv watching by kids. In talking to students many have tv's in their bedrooms. Some houses I know have 3+ TVs in them. Trojan horses?

Mothering & Home

I am reading a book at the moment called Unless by Carol Shields. It is about a mother who is quite successful and has all that we hope for, loving family, beautiful home, satisfying career etc. Her eldest daughter suddnely withdraws from the world, abandoning university to sit on a street corner, wearing a sign that reads only 'goodness'. What a frightening reality for a mother. I haven't finished the book yet, but the concept of it haunts me.
I remember when I went on holidays once I met an older woman and we were discussing our daughters. Hers was older than mine, but had pursued similar things, and then unexpectedly dropped out. She had got caught up with a shady boyfriend and turned her future plans on their head. Her mother was shattered and I was scared. I remember having nightmares all summer that my daughter would have some catastrophic thing that would 'ruin' her future.
I began to reflect on my own pathway through to adulthood, (I think I arrived a couple of years ago, despite getting grey hairs and wrinkles so young). I realised my parents were probably pretty concerned about some of the routes I'd taken.
I'm proud and pleased with my daughter and I expect she will take some interesting paths and I, like my parents did for me and other mothers all over the planet will still love her and hope for the best for her. When people tell me how amazing and wonderful she is I feel proud and grateful to the powers that be. I was discussing this with a work colleague last week and we agreed, his daughters are much older too, that you never feel you can relax, that the mission is accomplished.
Getting back to the book, there is this great quote about homes in it and I like it.

"Our house if full of rough corners that seem to me just about to come into their full beauty. I often think of how Vicnete Verdu, the Spanish writer, spoke of houses as existing between reality and desire, what we want and what we already have. Probably this old house is not as lovely as I believe. My eyes are curtained over. I used to be able to see the separate rooms with their colours and spaces, but now I can't. I've overvalued its woody, whorled coves and harbours, convincing myself of an architectural spaciousness and, at the same time, coziness.." (p57)

I love it and I identify with those sentiments. She goes on to say she should have employed a decorator a long time ago. I have been a decorator, so have even less excuse for the tangle of styles and half completed schemes in my home, yet it is my home and there are corners of it that I find harmony and promise of visions to be realised.

The Weather Man

I watched this film last night and it was painful in parts. Not that it was painfully made or poor quality type painful, but difficult to watch the awkward struggles of the main character and the dissappointment of his father. I couldn't stop watching it though. I hoped for the magical happy ending. I felt the ending was honest and the film left an impression. I recommend it. I liked it even though it wasn't enjoyable most of the time. It is not a feel good movie, but a feel movie.

Driven by Daughter

Yes, she has her L's and look at what a great driver she is. Ok, so she's been practising for over a year. We drove to Melbourne yesterday. It was a long drive and she did an amazing job. I would say I tried to stay calm, but that would imply there was something to stress about and there really wasn't. It was a pleasure.

Podcasts and Theatre of the Mind

I listened to podcasts from Theatre of the Mind this week whilst I was walking. There are plenty on that site and they are quite interesting but contain a bit of promotion of their products, which are meditation CD's. There are also articles on these things on that website/blog. The woman behind the business also mentioned Joseph Chiltern Pearce who wrote one of my favourite books "Magical Child"
I have used these types of audio meditation and found them to be very good at improving my clarity and well being. It reminded me how effective they are and I am intending to find a timeslot in my day to include 30 minutes of it again. I am also going to find a space in my home to use exclusively for meditation.
bk_keywords:Chiltern Pearce.

My part time job - taxi

I am running the son to Jeeralang today. I used to hear parents complain about running their kids around and dismissed it. I never realised how time consuming and interupting it is. A parent should be able to 'just say 'no'' but in reality you are then stuck with a long faced teenager behaving like a two year old. It is emotional blackmail. It works effectively for them as it did for me when I had the services of my parents. Actually my kids are pretty good really. They walk around town to many of the places they have to go and although they sometimes complain about this, most of the time they accept it as reality.

Nothing to say

That's all .... I kind of made a quiet agreement with myself that I would attempt to write everyday during the holidays but I can't think of much to say today.
I visited with Brendan and got to wave goodbye to him as he went off to his new life. Yesterday when I visited he'd gone to spend some time with our grandfather, so I missed him. I didn't do his resume, he said he'd decided he didn't need one since he already has a job to go to and when that finishes up he'll be in touch.
I went to a jewellery party for my daughter. That was interesting enough I guess. It was at my ex husbands house with my daughter and the ex husbands girlfriend and her ex husbands new wife and my ex father in laws new wife. My mum and auntie came to keep me company. It was one of the rare occasions I have been invited and I was treated quite pleasantly so that was nice. I like it when we all just get along. There have never been any dramatic scene's though so it is all good. After all we are all just women, doing the best we can under ever changing circumstances. It seems so weird though. There were no exes in my life until I became an adult so I have had very few role models. My friends have been the best role models. Thank goodness for them.
Well I have managed to say quite a bit for someone who had nothing to say...

Family

My brother Brendan is heading up to Townsville tomorrow. I have 4 brothers and a sister. We are all very different and don't see that much of each other. Brendan is the brother I see the least of and he has lived away from the family most of his life. He has been home at my parents for a couple of months. He was living in NT. He is also quiet and hasn't got a lot to say. We have little in common and very different lifestyles. Yet being my brother means I can pop into mum and dad's and borrow his sleeping bag from him to go to school camp like I did a few weeks ago. He can ask me to type up a resume for him, which I haven't done yet, but will today. It is the same with all my siblings. I see my sister Kate the most and enjoy her bright personality and have quite a close relationship with her.
I know if I needed any of my brothers or sister's help, I would have it if I asked and they would in turn have mine. We shared a childhood. On Christmas day, most of us usually get together and laugh together about the memories. We phone each other sometimes on our birthdays, but not always. We see each other at extended family occasions. Our lives are not really entwined externally but in my heart they are.
There is a wide range in our ages from me (40) to Kate (24) so it makes our family life interesting. The six of us all have different lifestyles and jobs. It makes diverse conversation when we are all together. We find links through people we know and share stories about now and the past and enjoy being together. We can quickly resume our childhood roles and it is fun to do that occasionally.
I admire my parents their ability to let us all go and keep a good relationship with all of us without interfering in our lives or trying to control us. It is probably what keeps us all returning home willingly and happily. I hope I can be like them with my own children.