Offline Life

Routines
I have been busy offline lately. I felt my Internet usage was becoming a little invasive in my life and whilst having a bit of a stock take of the things I do with my time, prompted by some personal growth reading on Steve Pavlina and Craig Harper's sites I must admit. I have rearranged my routines to work better for me and have spent less time online as a result. I am feeling pretty good about it to be honest.
Exercise
As it is winter here in Australia, I have been struggling for the past month or so, to get up at 6.00 and do my 20 minutes on the stepper. I had all kinds of excuses, my heart monitor battery needed replacing, it was too cold, I had the flu. I would do it for a few days and then stop. So I solved this dilemma this week by doing 30 minutes after work. I am now getting up guilt free in the morning and not resisting getting out of bed so much because I know I have done my exercise the night before. I will probably go back to mornings when it gets a little lighter and warmer in the mornings. I am pleased this is working now, as life has become easier. Why didn't I think of it earlier?
Housework and Lunch
As I am not squeezing exercise into my mornings, or avoiding exercise to be more honest, I've been able to make a healthy lunch to take to work and tidy the house before I go to work. When I get home, I do a couple of chores before exercising and it's really satisfying to come home to a tidy house.
Bedtime
I am going to bed at the same time at night, even though I'm not always getting up earlier to exercise. I read a little longer and get a bit more sleep. I really believe enough sleep is a really important ingredient in a busy life. I can't function if I don't get it.
Treats
I have also been going to the movies once a week, because I love film and have decided to make the time for myself. It has improved my level of cheerfulness. I feel like I am treating myself well and I'm happier. It's a simple thing really and I'm amazed at the difference it has made.
Over to You
I haven't bored you with all my little routine changes just for the fun of it. I reflected today about how much happier I have been this week and wondered if this wasn't worth sharing with others. A few simple changes might be enough to snap you out of a bout of winter blues, or get you back on track.

Last Man Standing

To Quit...
I am reflecting today on quitting smoking. This is going to be a long post. I have made a commitment to myself to get hypnotised. I have to write a list of reasons why I want to quit. The counsellor knows it isn't worthwhile unless I really want to. I really do want to. I have chosen hypnosis because I want to do this calmly and mindfully. I intend it to be an exercise in self-improvement, rather than a ugly and uncomfortable withdrawal from addiction.

Past attempts
I am scared I am going to fail at it again. I have tried a number of times before. I thought I would write this reflection on my blog post to add some leverage to my intention. There is nothing quite like telling the world you are going to do something for making you follow through. I have tried patches, gum, hypnosis, cold turkey, zyban and nicotine lozenges. Hypnosis was the least damaging and most empowering, so I am going with that again.

Freedom from Addiction
I intensely dislike being unable to choose. I hate the panic I feel when I am running out of cigarettes. I am not in control of my own behaviour and this has health, social, financial and time consequences. I remember a doctor once said to me " I don't know how you find the time!" and I was furious about that. I see myself as a really busy person who gets a lot done. Yet when I have quit in the past, I have so much extra time and accomplish so much more.

Social Smoker

I feel like the last man standing as far as smoking goes. It used to be a great social event to go outside for a smoke. All the best people were out there and there was always laughter and wickedness that I enjoyed. Now it feels like the best people have quit and I am left with the people who don't really care....about themselves. A harsh thing to say as a couple of my best friends in the whole world are still smoking with me, but I want them to stop too. I am not a social smoker though. I am totally addicted and smoke in any circumstance.

Fear of Death
My Auntie died this week. She was a smoker and she had a lot of cancer. She was only in her fifties. That's young, particularly when you are in your forties. I am no longer prepared to race towards premature death. Other family members who were smokers have also died.

Love
I don't want to set a bad example to my kids or to the kids I teach. I love them and I want to demonstrate living healthy to them. I know it hurts my parents, kids and loved ones to see me smoke. They are scared for me and I can relate to that when I see people I love take risks with their wellbeing. It's not fair. My relationships suffer from this habit.

Health
I enjoy being healthy. I like having circulation in my feet and hands. I like to breath easily when I exercise, or even when I wake up. I want to stop snoring and having sinus pain.

Taste and Smell
I know from my previous quitting times how much better the world can taste and smell.

Time and Money
I want that time and money for more exciting, adventurous and positive things like home improvements, travelling and learning.

Why
I can think of lots of reasons why I smoke. Most of them are historical and have been eclipsed by the addiction. I started smoking when I was young and rebellious and all my friends smoked. Most of the adult women I admired were smokers. I wanted to be like them all. I continued smoking because nobody could tell me what to do. I wanted to be a rebel. I didn't care, I wasn't afraid, it was the least of my bad habits (or so I thought) at times. I thought I was invincible. I was angry and it helped. I wanted a treat - a coffee and a smoke. I didn't want to put on weight by eating a treat instead of having a smoke. I know most of those reasons are redundant or ignorant now. I am just addicted.

How
I think how is always more important than why. I have learnt a lot from my last experiences. I know I can not have another smoke if I am going to give up, so I am going to rid my home of all butts and buts. I am going to listen to the hypnosis tape each morning whilst I exercise and at night before I sleep. I am going to quit on the last day of school so I have a two week head start before I have to say no to going outside with my smoking buddies at school. I am going to start a room painting project to give me something valuable to do with my time. I am going to take extra vitamin B and eat healthy fresh food. I am booking a massage for myself as my treat and will reward myself with a handbag I have been wanting to buy at the end of the holidays. I know I will have the support of my family and friends. This week I am going to make a treasure map of the lifestyle I want to live when I am free of this addiction. I am letting go of something that no longer serves me and I am ready.
I have read the book Allen Carrs Easy Stop Smoking
I will use the following web pages to support me also:
Natural Therapy
QuitNow - National Tobacco Campaign
Quit Vitoria
Wish me luck.

Limits

Self-Discipline
Tomorrow I need to get back into exercise. I am extremely soft on myself. I haven't exercised for over a week. I have a million and one excuses as we all do when we indulge ourselves in sloppiness, but the reality is not exercising doesn't make my life easier as I like to kid myself. I had to think about why I stopped and I realised it was because my heart monitor wasn't working. Probably needs a new battery. I don't use it because I have some kind of heart condition or anything. It's just to ensure that I am going hard enough. I need that feedback to ensure that my exercise on my stepper isn't just a stroll in the park, and is an effective workout. That's how slack I am!
Self-Imposed Limits
In our household our internet goes off at 9.45 everynight. My techie partner has set it up like this so that the kids don't spend all night online. It's really a good idea as it gives you the chance to get a good nights sleep and creates a limit that becomes a foolproof system. I think I was the first to ask for an extension of that time and when it wasn't granted I was cranky. I am over it now though and I have been thinking about other ways that I can create healthy limits for myself in other areas of life.
Creative Limits
I have noticed at school if the kids have free reign to create a short story or any kind of project or peice of work, they spend so much time trying to think about what to do or write, it becomes a nightmare for them. When I first started teaching, I thought if they could write about whatever they wanted it would make it easier for them. WRONG! Now I create some kind of limit and it flows easier for them. I am always willing to negotiate with anyone who has another idea, yet it's rare any student takes me up on that. If any of what I am saying rings true for you read Presentation Zen: Can limitations and restrictions be liberating? The answer for me is too right they can.
Boundaries
Many parents say children need boundaries. As a teacher in the classroom I know students operate best when there are clear boundaries. I need boundaries too. In fact it would be great if I could somehow create some device to prevent me from getting coffee until my exercise was done. Any suggestions anyone?

Re-arranged

I don't know if this happens to others, but I have noticed that sometimes my life just seems to have a big shift and all the old routines and habits stop working as they have always done and I have to make changes. Well this has just happened. Andy is in between jobs having just finished the contract he's had for as long as I've known him and beyond. My parents have acquired a caravan and have taken off for a trial run trip. Pa is home from hospital.

At work things are on the boil also.I want to help out with the school musical this week, I wish I had done more to help to be honest. I have been doing some PD's after work, and loving them. I have to write reports at the end of the term. I am going on camp with my homeroom next month, as well as two separate day excursions. This adds up to a week out of the term. I am trying some new projects which always takes more energy, but makes life more exciting.

Towards the end of the term I am having visitors stay and the room they will be staying in is half way through a renovation project and honestly in a pretty grim state.

All of the above as well as some reorganising of files and cleaning up of lots of spaces has meant that my routines have changed and become unfamiliar. I like it. It feels positively different.

I am glad I have a holiday tomorrow though, because I need to fine tune the changes and I have no commitments for the day.

Power

We are off on our holiday tomorrow. So today is about packing up everything to go. We were meant to go yesterday but I spent the day trying to work out the power problem with my home.
We apparently have a shortage of electricians so I was unable to get one yesterday. It was probably a good thing though because I don't charge as much as they do and I was eventually able to work out the problem and fix it by removing a lightglobe and not using any power in that room. Today I might experiment more with using other appliances in that room so I can ensure it is the particular thing I thought it was. At least I saved myself another bill. It was a waste of a day though and quite stressful.
I had imagined all kinds of scenarios involving needing to get the house rewired and felt quite distressed about it all in the end.
Anyway, now I guess I will get back to my lists of what to take away. We are going to Loch Sport. I don't remember ever having gone there before. I am looking forward to getting away. I still have a slight cold, but am feeling better every day now. I need to change my habits back to healthier ones.
I haven't been exercising at all lately or any other healthy things!

Walking

I have been walking the past two nights. Andy and I are checking out homes around town that we see for sale in the local paper. It really is a great way to look at them. You can get a better feel for the area if you approach it on foot. I am also feeling more well. I have a little more energy in my day. This is not new information to me but I seem to always slip off the walking path and just stop. I feel too tired, it's too cold, I'm too busy are some of the excuses I use. I resist the urge to make any grand promises about never doing this again. I hope I continue to be this kind to myself.
Autumn is the best time to walk though. I love the leaves. The crunchy deep ones as well as the drifting ones that fall like confetti yet more elegantly and gently. I love the days that are sunny and clear yet have a coolness that allows you do do plenty. It is a great time of the year.

I haven't been writing many posts lately. Not entirely sure why, but mostly haven't had much to say. I feel contented right now and that is enough for me.

Dullness

It was overcast here today and this seems to have set the tone for my day. Perhaps it was the sleeping pattern I had developed over the holidays, but I was tired and lethargic. I felt frustrated by the behaviour of many people around me today, but sadly not frustrated enough to bother doing anything about it. I feel tired and 'can't be bothered'. Perhaps it is the impending eclipse on Wednesday. Don't know.....
Ho hum....
Well, I think I'll get an early night and tomorrow can be a bright new day.
I have to confess I am smoking again. Quite regularly too. Have been for a week or so. Will try again soon to quit.
Went to chiropractor today. Was the best part of the dull day. I love that crunch and the relief it brings. Never thought the day would come when I would say that!

What I loved about smoking....

I haven't smoked for 2 days. I feel - different. This is my 9th attempt to quit. I have tried hypnosis, nicotine patches, tabs and cold turkey. This time I have reduced my smoking over the last six months and I am quitting cold turkey. It is not so bad really to be honest. It is only 2 days though I guess. I want to be done with smoking for a lot of reasons. I want to be healthier and I want to live a long life. I want to allow my family to have relief from worrying about my health.
I loved stepping outside and smoking though. i loved looking up at the stars at night or sitting in the sunshine and enjoyed being outside smoking. I loved the pause that smoking gave me. The little time outs to do something I perceived as being for me. I know the reality though is that it is the worst thing for me and it doesn't calm me down, but actually stresses me out and I hope this time I will be done with it forever.
I have let go of many other self defeating habits and this is possibly one of the last really dangerous ones I have. I take good care of myself these days except for smoking.