Massage Course - Day one

With my trimmed fingernails and numerous towels I headed off this morning for day one of the course. I called into my closest polling booth to vote and was totally dismayed by the long line. I couldn't wait as I knew I would be late. I was early then and surprised there was no polling booth nearby. I was a bit stuck on that concern, I think I was nervous about doing the course. I found one at lunchtime with no line, and there was no problems.

It was a bit confronting to me, the thought of massaging people I don't know. I had no problem receiving massages from strangers though. I think for some of the participants it may have been the other way around. I love getting massages though.

It was interesting being a learner again. It's been a little while since I've taken a class or course. I enjoyed it. It was a little uncomfortable for me to massage strangers to be honest and I am looking forward to practicing what I have learnt on my family and close friends. I have learnt ways to position myself so I won't be as tired. I have a new understanding of the routines of massage and the reasons for doing things. I am looking forward to learning more tomorrow. The other participants won't be strangers by then!

I have also purchased a table that looks great and after researching it, the deal they offered was great. I can really feel the difference in giving a massage on a table and know it will allow me to feel less strained and tired, whilst giving this great experience to the people I love.

I am really glad I committed to this course because I wouldn't have made it this weekend, without having committed to it a while ago when all that I have on my plate right now, wasn't in my face!

'Rose by any other name' by Maureen McCarthy

Maureen McCarthy read aloud the beginning of this novel to us at the Melbourne Writers Festival and I was hooked. I have devoured this book in a day. I could no longer resist it sitting in that pile next to my bed.

Remembering Young Adulthood
'Rose by any other name' is a novel I would recommend to all older teenagers about how life can get in the way of your plans and sidetrack you. I loved it as I remembered my first year out of school and how I went in every direction other than the clear and planned path. Sometimes the emotional upsets in our life drive us to seek escape from all the good and nurturing things in our life. They build a cranky outer shell that disguises who we really are from both the world and ourselves.

Unconditional Families
I loved this novel as a mother and a daughter. That tension between the mother and daughter that is so prevalent in my own mother/daughter and daughter/mother interactions. It was so realistic and funny and sad. Maureen McCarthy captures beautifully the pleasures and trails of belonging to a close family.

Rants
Sprinkled throughout the novel are rants about the things Rose hates, that she has published in a music magazine. My favourite:

"Don'tch just hate it... when you find out the all your dirty secrets are public knowledge? You go around thinking your life is private, that no one knows your business. Well, I'm here to tell you, you millions of multi-talented, meat-eating, hoodwinked, rock-loving Saucers, that not only do the banks, ASIO, the tax department and the credit companies have all your details on file, more than likely your family knows a lot more about your every move than you do. Yep,that's right! Face it! Your mother reads your diary. Your siblings trawl through your emails. Your friends, hungry for contact with warm-blooded creatures after a day in front of the screen, spread your private confidences like preachers at a religious rally. Don't blame them. Privacy is dead. Get used to it!......"

(pg 266)

And what a relief it is to have all our darkest guilty secrets and pains exposed and accepted. You try to save those close to you from the pain you experience, yet it is the pain of separation from them that is the real sin.

I really adored this novel. It contains so much emotionally; from the freedom and bliss of surfing, the joys of shared music taste, the intimacy of best girlfriends and sisters, the pain of betrayal, the vulnerability of being in love, the deep pain and anger of our most important people falling to human status, the discovery of loving the wrong person to the myriad of interactions that occur in relationships. It is a full and juicy novel.

Back Soon

My pa died on Wednesday 14th. I loved him so much and feel so blessed to have had him in my life. My large and wonderful family and awesome friends are spending time together crying and laughing and remembering all that we loved. I feel loved, supported and devastated all in waves. The funeral is tomorrow. That's all I can say for now.

Last Man Standing

To Quit...
I am reflecting today on quitting smoking. This is going to be a long post. I have made a commitment to myself to get hypnotised. I have to write a list of reasons why I want to quit. The counsellor knows it isn't worthwhile unless I really want to. I really do want to. I have chosen hypnosis because I want to do this calmly and mindfully. I intend it to be an exercise in self-improvement, rather than a ugly and uncomfortable withdrawal from addiction.

Past attempts
I am scared I am going to fail at it again. I have tried a number of times before. I thought I would write this reflection on my blog post to add some leverage to my intention. There is nothing quite like telling the world you are going to do something for making you follow through. I have tried patches, gum, hypnosis, cold turkey, zyban and nicotine lozenges. Hypnosis was the least damaging and most empowering, so I am going with that again.

Freedom from Addiction
I intensely dislike being unable to choose. I hate the panic I feel when I am running out of cigarettes. I am not in control of my own behaviour and this has health, social, financial and time consequences. I remember a doctor once said to me " I don't know how you find the time!" and I was furious about that. I see myself as a really busy person who gets a lot done. Yet when I have quit in the past, I have so much extra time and accomplish so much more.

Social Smoker

I feel like the last man standing as far as smoking goes. It used to be a great social event to go outside for a smoke. All the best people were out there and there was always laughter and wickedness that I enjoyed. Now it feels like the best people have quit and I am left with the people who don't really care....about themselves. A harsh thing to say as a couple of my best friends in the whole world are still smoking with me, but I want them to stop too. I am not a social smoker though. I am totally addicted and smoke in any circumstance.

Fear of Death
My Auntie died this week. She was a smoker and she had a lot of cancer. She was only in her fifties. That's young, particularly when you are in your forties. I am no longer prepared to race towards premature death. Other family members who were smokers have also died.

Love
I don't want to set a bad example to my kids or to the kids I teach. I love them and I want to demonstrate living healthy to them. I know it hurts my parents, kids and loved ones to see me smoke. They are scared for me and I can relate to that when I see people I love take risks with their wellbeing. It's not fair. My relationships suffer from this habit.

Health
I enjoy being healthy. I like having circulation in my feet and hands. I like to breath easily when I exercise, or even when I wake up. I want to stop snoring and having sinus pain.

Taste and Smell
I know from my previous quitting times how much better the world can taste and smell.

Time and Money
I want that time and money for more exciting, adventurous and positive things like home improvements, travelling and learning.

Why
I can think of lots of reasons why I smoke. Most of them are historical and have been eclipsed by the addiction. I started smoking when I was young and rebellious and all my friends smoked. Most of the adult women I admired were smokers. I wanted to be like them all. I continued smoking because nobody could tell me what to do. I wanted to be a rebel. I didn't care, I wasn't afraid, it was the least of my bad habits (or so I thought) at times. I thought I was invincible. I was angry and it helped. I wanted a treat - a coffee and a smoke. I didn't want to put on weight by eating a treat instead of having a smoke. I know most of those reasons are redundant or ignorant now. I am just addicted.

How
I think how is always more important than why. I have learnt a lot from my last experiences. I know I can not have another smoke if I am going to give up, so I am going to rid my home of all butts and buts. I am going to listen to the hypnosis tape each morning whilst I exercise and at night before I sleep. I am going to quit on the last day of school so I have a two week head start before I have to say no to going outside with my smoking buddies at school. I am going to start a room painting project to give me something valuable to do with my time. I am going to take extra vitamin B and eat healthy fresh food. I am booking a massage for myself as my treat and will reward myself with a handbag I have been wanting to buy at the end of the holidays. I know I will have the support of my family and friends. This week I am going to make a treasure map of the lifestyle I want to live when I am free of this addiction. I am letting go of something that no longer serves me and I am ready.
I have read the book Allen Carrs Easy Stop Smoking
I will use the following web pages to support me also:
Natural Therapy
QuitNow - National Tobacco Campaign
Quit Vitoria
Wish me luck.

Love is all you need

I read Craig Harper's blog on Sunday night and was touched by one of his readers stories. I have been reading this blog for a while and whilst it's often amusing, I think his latest post, 'Maybe the Beatles Were Right' is the best of his posts I've read. He's so right and perhaps so were the Beatles as well as a lot of others who have mentioned this over time. I have had my own little wake up calls around this topic this last week or so, so I know what I am talking about here.

May is seriously birthday month around here. Tom, Pat, Nicole, my nana were all born in May. I seem to know heaps of people born then also. It's Kat's birthday today. Happy birthday to you...etc.

My parents have headed off in their caravan to join the grey nomads. I'm delighted for them. I will also miss them. I love having them nearby even though I don't see them all the time. It will be great for them to get away and see this great country though.

Hospital

My beloved Pa is in hospital. He has injured his back. It is hard to sit by his bed and see him powerless. To see the purply red marks where the drip has gone in and created a big bruise. He looks frail and elderly. He is 87. He means so much to me and I love him for so many reasons.
As I read to him yesterday he seemed to come and go, yet laughed at, responded to the story. He had conversations with me in between the hospital business that goes on. He leant over at one stage and unhooked some strands of hair that had caught in my earring. He is not so out of it, despite the painkillers, the age, the appearance of being an old man.
He asked me why I was there on a Saturday because I normally visit him on Sundays. I told him since he was sitting still, I thought I'd come both days. Last night I found out that my brothers and sisters and cousins were coming from hours away to see him, so I let them have their time today. I will see him during the week.
I can't stop thinking about him though. I was grateful of my friends this weekend visiting and phoning and talking about their lives. Funny, both of them kept saying they felt bad about discussing their worries, when I was worried about pa, but they were doing me a great favour, distracting me.
I hope they (the hospital staff in general) take care of him and treat him with the respect he deserves. If only they knew him as I did!

She's Leaving Home

Today we are taking the last of my daughters belongings to her new residence. She is moving to the city to go to Uni. She is a competent, independent young woman and I am immensely proud of her and confident that she will make a great life for herself and will be diligent and successful in her studies. I imagine she will have learning experiences about living away from home and I feel nervous and excited for her.
Most of all I will miss her. She is a fabulous daughter. I have adored her since the moment of her birth and this new letting go, just like the previous steps she has made into the world, I must admit make me long for the time when she was a toddler with wild curly hair and a trusting smile, asking plenty of questions, smiling a lot and taking great delight in everything around her. The tickles and cuddles are less frequent and the questions are harder to answer, even though they are more interesting now.

Loveocracy

Kathy Sierra's Creating Passionate Users, Valentine's Day post is spot on. As are most of her posts.

"And why do you read this blog? I always ask myself, "how can I help my readers in some way?" Whether it's a tip or trick, a post you can use to help make your case to your boss, a new way of looking at something, a potential source for an idea, a pointer to something useful...I try to make 90% of the posts here for you. And you in turn respond with the most amazing, insightful, inspirational, and often entertaining comments.

What's good for you is what's good for the blog. And for me."

I love reading this blog because she does provide useful ideas. It works. Thanks Kathy

Happy Valentines Day Andy

I know it's only the 13th, but I'll probably forget tomorrow. I know Andy never reads my blog, so he'll never get this greeting. I know I don't believe in Valentines Day, but this clip made me laugh.


In the event that you do read this Andy, I adore you, everyday. I didn't say I didn't believe in love.

News articles about online love

ABC News
York Daily Record

Go to Google News

These first two articles came to my attention today so I went to Google News and was quite surprised by the number of articles. It's feeling very mainstream to me now. I guess enough has been said!

Internet Matchmaker

I am enjoying watching one of my closest friends have her first experience of using online dating websites. It is an exciting time and full of promise. I recommended this to her because I have found it to be the best and most enjoyable way to find a partner. It has a bit of cringe factor for some people still. I guess if you have not wanted to meet a partner in the last 10+ years, you would have no need, therefore see fit to criticise it or find it 'wierd'. The other people who are not into it are people who will never read this blog because they haven't yet learnt to use a computer. Needless to say, they are never gonna do it.
I found it a great way to meet my partner. I loved the time when we were getting to know each other via email. It was sweet and gentle and romantic. The first telephone conversation, our first meeting and so on, was all gradual and made the process delightful and lasting.
Perhaps I was very lucky. I only met one other person I communicated with online, and at that first meeting, knew instantly there was no real attraction. It was challenging to have to say that, but no worse than saying no to someone you have met anywhere.
This leads me to a point I want to make, meeting and relating to someone online is the same as any other way. If you find it difficult to trust, it will be the same in real life as it is online. If you are desperate, gullible, if you fantasize, if you are afraid of commitment, intimacy, success, whatever, the internet will not magically transform or hide that. If you are going to have problems in relationships, they will still be there. It is just a convenient way to meet, minus the scene you don't want to be in(insert club,pub,mother's/friends blind date whatever applies) but for wanting to find a partner.
This weekend another friend I recommended online dating to, is getting married. She is 60ish and hadn't had someone special in her life for the 5+ years I had known her. She is very happy. This is why I recommend it and enjoy sharing my positive experience with others. It's great to see people happy and in love.

Free Hugs by Patti Digh

37 Days, one of my favourite blogs, has an article on 'Free Hugs', it is a must read. Unless of course you saw it already on '60 Minutes' on Sunday night in Australia. It is a beautiful clip and it is easier to direct you to Patti's site than to search for it myself.
I'm tired tonight. Maybe I need a hug.

Ballarat Wedding

I spent the weekend in Ballarat. My brother was married on Friday there and we spent the weekend, since we were there. It was a great family occasion. I feel pretty blessed by my large extended family. I was chatting to my cousin and a brother at one stage of the night and we all agreed we were pretty lucky in the family department. Our family gets together and has a good time. The wedding was very beautiful and I was proud of my brother and his wife and the way they expressed their committment to each other with such love and pleasure.
I haven't been to Ballarat for a long time. In fact I think it was an excursion when I was doing my HSC (contemporary VCE or Year 12). I don't remember much about my previous visits and I enjoyed seeing Ballarat now. It had a spacious and gracious feel to it. The old houses are distinctive and individual and the streets are wide.
We enjoyed the place we stayed at and visited the Botanical Gardens on the Sunday before heading home. I will put some video's up on revver. I took mainly videos of the sculptures in the park.

Camille

I heard this artist on triple J so many times on my way to work and it has taken incredible effort to track down the name. I can't find much online about her but I discovered this clip on YouTube


Enjoy, I hadn't seen the clip, I quite like the naked knitting theme in the video. There is another cool clip of the song but can't put it here, so if you're interested click here. It's playful and I really like it.

Heartbroken

Ella passed away this week. The emptiness is vast. I hurt for Andy's massive loss also. He has loved her and had her as a constant companion for 11 years. I have never been privelaged to see such a close bond. She was a blessed part of our lives and her beauty and grace will continue to be missed for a long time.

The Weather Man

I watched this film last night and it was painful in parts. Not that it was painfully made or poor quality type painful, but difficult to watch the awkward struggles of the main character and the dissappointment of his father. I couldn't stop watching it though. I hoped for the magical happy ending. I felt the ending was honest and the film left an impression. I recommend it. I liked it even though it wasn't enjoyable most of the time. It is not a feel good movie, but a feel movie.

Weeks whizzing by

I can't believe I haven't blogged for a week. Life hasn't been that busy or stressful, in fact it has been a regular kind of week. A couple of meetings after school. Even shares of good and bad news received about friends and family. An appointment or two. Some questions to grapple with, some repairs to be done. The daily exercising and juicing and cleaning and shopping and cooking and teaching and preparing and correcting and learning and loving and discussing to name some events specifically. The range of emotions have been felt, delight at the news my friend, Sam started secondary school triumphantly, fear about my pa having cancer at 85, that is treatable but will no doubt cause pain and disruption to his life, satisfaction about stimulating classes taught and surprise and pleasure when my beloved wished me a happy valentines day. I have been tempted by offers of further study and had to reflect on whether a MA in Educational Leadership is for me, I decided not. I have been troubled by my son's outbursts that have all smoothed now and turn out to be a storm in a teacup and not the catastrophe I often fear when my kids seem unhappy. Helped my daughter with her role as school captain and felt concerned that whilst the role is within her scope of ability that it will affect her study negatively. Not a featureless week or a week without surprises but there is a feeling of dullness in me that I can't shake. A lack of inspiration. I don't know why.