'Lies', 'Once' and personal clips

Last night I went to see 'Once', I have reviewed it on 'Falling Brick'.
This is a track from the film called 'Lies'.
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This YouTube clip is a scene from the film that particularly touched me. On IMDb I read about the film, it mentioned in the trivia the clip was of the director, John Carney's real girlfriend. This added to the appeal of the film for me. It was a very real and amazing film.

I love to make clips for people I love. I have just finished making one and sent it to Andy in Tasmania. I want to edit it already! Little snippets of our time together through my eyes. He probably hasn't even seen it yet. Lucky he never reads my blog - would blow the surprise.

Last Christmas I made one for Jane and we added a Christmas message to the end of the collage. She lives interstate, so it was fun to do. I love that too. I made one for my Pa's funeral that is particularly special to me. I have promised family members to distribute it to them. I must do that soon.

I started off making them for my homeroom class and giving a copy to each child as a gift for the end of the year. A couple of my year 9s have told me they still watch them and treasure the one I made for them in year 7. They are just really collages of photos and small videos taken with a still camera. The limitation of 30 seconds that my digital camera has, makes for easy editing. I then edit them in Microsoft Movie Maker. As I said, it is a very simple and inexpensive way to give a meaningful gift. Microsoft also have a program called Photo Story, if you only have photos.

This year at school, my digital storytelling class is making a clip for each homeroom. They are doing a great job. Some of them are using Flash and I am getting them to teach me about it as I haven't used it before.

Today I am Grateful for my Grandparents

Tomorrow it will be two months since Pa left the planet. I visited his wife this week because she had a birthday and I wanted to be there for her at such a difficult time. She's a wonderful person. She cared for him so well and misses him too.

After my Nana went in 1999, my pa remarried at 80. He had such a positive loving relationship with Nana, I don't think he would have known how to live alone. The year he was alone was terribly sad. It was great to see him setting off on adventures again with a companion to care for him. He was a big traveller.

Today I have been thinking how lucky I have been to have a grandfather, that I enjoyed being with, until I was 41. I lost my Nana when I was 34. They were both really important loving forces in my life. I lived with them (and my parents and Auntie) for the first 5 years of my life. Pa used to say to my boyfriends, "She's a wonderful girl, bit spoilt though!". He should know, they were the one who couldn't let me cry as a baby so my parents tell me and endless other kindnesses in the years to follow.

When my daughter was two months old, my husband and I moved in with Nana and Pa for some months whilst we looked for a house. Nana had just had a hip replacement operation, so I cooked for Pa and helped out whilst she was on the mend. It was a beautiful time of my adulthood and I cried when we moved. Everyone was astonished thinking I'd be delighted to be buying my first home, but I didn't want to leave their warm and loving home.


My children were old enough to know both of them and loved them as I did. I think we were incredibly lucky.

They were really there for me for such a long time. I remember as a child asking my Nana to promise me she would never die. She never would make that promise. She reassured me telling me I would be fine when it happened, I would be ready. I wasn't, but I can't complain how long they stayed nor the quality of their presence in my life.

Father's Day

I adore my dad. I have just returned from spending time with him. I get to see him quite a bit luckily. He is a very good man and I know I am blessed to have him in my life.

He has retired and is loving it. I'm pleased he has this outlook as I have seen people retire and be miserable. He worked so hard during his life. He would be gone by 6.00 and return after 6.00 each night. He had a sand quarry and was in partnership with my pa. He told us that they never had an argument whilst they were in business for over 30 years.

It's hard to buy for my dad as he never suggests anything and always says he wants for nothing. He is not a drinking, golf playing, fishing kind of dad. He doesn't have any interests other than his wife and family. He takes photo's and has all the old family photo's. He already has all the equipment for this hobby. He buys what he wants, when he wants it.

Still, I found a PC Chess tournament game. I was never able to beat him at chess, not that I am much of a player. I hope this will provide a challenge and I am also trying to get him to use his computer more.

He has never had to use a computer for work, so his usage has been limited to checking bank statements online. He wants to scan all the old photo's he has onto disk and fix some of them. He has boxes and boxes of great photos. It will be a great resource for the family.

This is one of my favourite photo's in the world. It is from left to right, my great grandfather, grandfather, dad and godfather, Uncle Jack. Dad is the only surviving member of this hardworking team. This photo was taken before I was born and we lived on the farm near Yarragon.

Back to Living

Re-establishing Order
It's been a pretty demanding week, yet I am blessed with another day's grace from facing work. We have a mid-year break long weekend. Today I get my home in order! It's ridiculously messy and chaotic. I have been coming and going for almost a week. So many family members have been at my parents home and so I have spent most of my time there.
Little Incident
We had a thief in the early hours of Wednesday morning, last week. I disturbed him/her because I was sleepless and stepped out my front door and noticed the light on in my car. I panicked, rushed back into the house and locked the front door. I lay in bed really still hoping I was wrong. Pathetic reaction I know. When I told the men in my life the next day, they dismissed it as a reflection. With all the chaos, Andy didn't notice until Saturday that his good camera had disappeared from his car. He phoned the police, who came around and took a statement. An hour later they phoned to say they had the camera and had caught the culprit. Great result.
Pa
There is so much to say one day about my amazing grandfather. I am bursting with gratitude right in this moment for having been blessed with such a role model and loving person in my life. Other moments I feel crushed and just want to pop over and visit him one more time.
Support
I have received so much support and love from others. Visits, flowers, chocolates, consoling books, phone calls and a most wonderful card from my students. The card had a loving message from each kid in my class and I can't find words to express how much that meant to me. I knew I had an awesome group this year and they just keep proving me right.
Raining Challenges
When I look back on the last two weeks, I feel strong. Apart from the shattering loss of Pa, I've had gastro/flu, a theft, we had a fire at our school and the art rooms burnt down last weekend (not that I was too helpful as I've been so absent lately) and numerous small incidents that occur when large families gather, yet it's over now and I am ready to return to living.

I'll leave you with this quote from my Pa that captures his essence brilliantly. He said this at my cousins wedding in his speech a couple of years ago:

"It doesn't matter what wealth or worldly goods you accumulate in this life, the most important asset you will ever acquire is your family"

Cyril Lyons 2005

Back Soon

My pa died on Wednesday 14th. I loved him so much and feel so blessed to have had him in my life. My large and wonderful family and awesome friends are spending time together crying and laughing and remembering all that we loved. I feel loved, supported and devastated all in waves. The funeral is tomorrow. That's all I can say for now.

Recapping My Weekend

Pa
Pa is back in hospital again. He turned 87 on the 8th. I haven't been able to see him for a week because I had the flu again and didn't want to expose him to it. I am worried about him.
Lovely Saturday Afternoon Visit
Visited Andy's mum on Saturday afternoon. She's had a delightful renovation done on her back veranda. I am very impressed. White rooms, floor, ceiling, walls, big windows, white mermot blinds and gorgeous red leather couches and mats. I should have taken a photo. That room was appealing. I had a divine and tasty lunch and was fed so well it brought back my nana's cooking.
Saturday Night Taxi Service
My good friend Rhonda and I put their theatre room to good use whilst spending the time between depositing the young people at their parties and returning to get them home. We watched 'Thank You for Smoking'. Possibly not a great choice for my quitting phase, yet it didn't do too much damage.
Housework - Bare Minimum
Enough said. Changed the sheets, a touch of vacuuming - blah.
Reading
I started 'Boys of Blood and Bone' by David Metzenthen this weekend. I have a pile of good books again and I feel really good about that. When I had the flu, it came when my pile of books had been down to the last unread one. It was kind of scary. When I went to work/school on Friday, I ensured I visited the library and restocked my pile. I have one from the CBCA Awards list - an Elizabeth Honey, one of my favourites as well as the James Moloney sequel to 'The Book of Lies', 'Master of the Books'. It's helping with the pain of finishing Harry Potter.

Now I will go to bed early and read!

One Whole and Perfect Day by Judith Clarke

Family Focus
Families are the focus in this contender for the Childrens Book Council Awards shortlisted for Older Readers. In One Whole and Perfect Day by Judith Clarke an interesting family of characters is assembled, complications are listed and neatly resolved by the end. There is warmth and magic as the broken down things in the central teenagers life come together at the end to form the whole and perfect day.
People with Flaws
I liked the characters and settings. I loved the grandparents especially. The grandmother living in her beautiful world and creating magic and harmony for the family. The cranky grandpa who threatens and rants in the family, yet privately is not racist or cruel. They were believable and offered insight into the ways children, parents, grandparents and community interact and form happy alliances, warts and all.
Compassion
There was compassion in this story. The characters cared for others. Each of them demonstrated their vulnerability and extended care for one another and outsiders and this was the strength of the story to me.
CBCA Award Comments
I found the start hard to get involved with, and feel this book isn't in the same league as the previously read shortlisted books. Yet having said that, it is a pleasing tale and is well worth a read.

Hand Sanitizer

I had no idea how widespread hand sanitizer is. Last time I visited my pa in the hospital, there were bottles of this hand sanitizer as you entered the wards and a sign asking you to clean your hands with this waterless hand cleaner before and after visiting in the hospital. I did.
My daughter tells me they have it at the primary school where she is working for the kids to use before they eat lunch. There is a small bottle on my desk. It says

"Instant Hand Sanitizer", subtitled "Kills 99.99% of germs"

I'm not sure why, but that seems really weird and sterile to me. I am not sure if I like it.
New Kills Germs Without Water
Are germs endangered species? That's a joke. I wonder are we taking clean to a new and bizarre level? Are there that many germs around that we need to maintain this kind of environment? These questions and more will never be asked by me again. In fact, I possibly will never mention this again.

Re-arranged

I don't know if this happens to others, but I have noticed that sometimes my life just seems to have a big shift and all the old routines and habits stop working as they have always done and I have to make changes. Well this has just happened. Andy is in between jobs having just finished the contract he's had for as long as I've known him and beyond. My parents have acquired a caravan and have taken off for a trial run trip. Pa is home from hospital.

At work things are on the boil also.I want to help out with the school musical this week, I wish I had done more to help to be honest. I have been doing some PD's after work, and loving them. I have to write reports at the end of the term. I am going on camp with my homeroom next month, as well as two separate day excursions. This adds up to a week out of the term. I am trying some new projects which always takes more energy, but makes life more exciting.

Towards the end of the term I am having visitors stay and the room they will be staying in is half way through a renovation project and honestly in a pretty grim state.

All of the above as well as some reorganising of files and cleaning up of lots of spaces has meant that my routines have changed and become unfamiliar. I like it. It feels positively different.

I am glad I have a holiday tomorrow though, because I need to fine tune the changes and I have no commitments for the day.

On the Mend

Pa came home from hospital today. He has a lot of medication and still seems a little fragile, yet is so much improved from my last mention, it is unbelievable. He is so motivated. He got up and practised walking as soon as he could.

Each time I visited him he said, 'It's up to me to get out of here'. He takes responsibility for his fitness. I am so relieved and proud of him. I think we can all take that thought on board. I know myself at times I think I can fool goodness knows what by making poor nutritional choices or not exercising.

Since they gave him a date for coming home he mentally improved also. He had began to seem a little flat and bored when I visited and I could see he was feeling caged.
The legend lives on....

My Day

Today was magical for me. Our students had a poetry competition at school and it was breathtaking to see them stand up and read their poems to their peers. At this time of the term it's the last thing I wanted to have in front of me today. My patience has worn to a thin veneer all week. The students were well behaved and attentive and gave each other the respect they deserved. There were 40 odd poems read to an audience of about 180 students from a variety of classes. Many were labelled as students who just wanted to get out of class, yet they learnt today. They listened, participated and responded appropriately to one anothers poetic offerings. I felt proud of them all and deeply touched by many of them. It was great.

The last week I have been blessed by my dad, recently retired coming to do a mountain of maintenance that I just haven't had time to attend to for a long time. As a result I now have a back garden that doesn't look like a neglected wilderness, two doors that I can get into my home with ease rather than a wrestle and a pile of rubbish removed from my view. My mum and auntie have helped me inside and I now feel I have a home to come to at the end of the day. It has made such a difference. I'm not sure how I managed to neglect everything so much but there have been quite a few things going on and I have found it easier to blog, read or sleep than to do anything productive.

I visited pa on the weekend and he has made an amazing recovery so far. He was sitting up and chatting to those around him. The doctors have solved a few of his health problems and he seems to be mending more, each time I visit. He has had mountains of visitors. He has 3 children, 15 grandchildren and over 20 great grandchildren. Most of them have been to see him in the past week or so, some travelling from Adelaide, Queensland and many from Melbourne. He is such a powerful force in our lives and so well loved.

Lot's of things happen in your day. So many that I can never manage to keep track of them all but today was great. So I am feeling very satisfied and blessed tonight. I am still tired and ready for my holidays due to commence at the end of the week, yet I feel content.

Hospital

My beloved Pa is in hospital. He has injured his back. It is hard to sit by his bed and see him powerless. To see the purply red marks where the drip has gone in and created a big bruise. He looks frail and elderly. He is 87. He means so much to me and I love him for so many reasons.
As I read to him yesterday he seemed to come and go, yet laughed at, responded to the story. He had conversations with me in between the hospital business that goes on. He leant over at one stage and unhooked some strands of hair that had caught in my earring. He is not so out of it, despite the painkillers, the age, the appearance of being an old man.
He asked me why I was there on a Saturday because I normally visit him on Sundays. I told him since he was sitting still, I thought I'd come both days. Last night I found out that my brothers and sisters and cousins were coming from hours away to see him, so I let them have their time today. I will see him during the week.
I can't stop thinking about him though. I was grateful of my friends this weekend visiting and phoning and talking about their lives. Funny, both of them kept saying they felt bad about discussing their worries, when I was worried about pa, but they were doing me a great favour, distracting me.
I hope they (the hospital staff in general) take care of him and treat him with the respect he deserves. If only they knew him as I did!

Dad's Retirement

My dad has sold his business after 38 years of delivering sand. He started the business with my pa and they have worked hard to make a living from this business. Dad has raised 6 children, the youngest is now in her mid twenties. Mum has never had to work. I know he has had stressful times throughout these years and yet he has persisted and I hope his retirement is long and enjoyable.
It is so good to see him and mum planning trips and the weight of the responsibility he has carried, lifting at last. I remember when I was a kid dad often worked 7 days a week and he left before I woke and got home after dark. I also remember times when the building industry was quiet and he would be worried about meeting his commitments.
My pa retired officially around 10 years ago probably but he has still worked out there from time to time. The funny story from this is that he apparently told the local butcher that my dad had sold his job and he was a bit cranky about it. Pa is 87 this year, yet he still enjoyed going out to the sandpit and putting in half a days work from time to time. He had cancer last year and underwent chemotherapy and had just 'got back to work'.

Port Albert

We returned today from Port Albert. It was a beautiful break for a week. The place we stayed in had a great view of the prom. We experienced a range of weather. The first afternoon we arrived it was blowing a gale and cold. Other days were clear and sunny.
I had been warned about sand flies, by my grandpa yet didn't experience them. He has been bitten badly by them at Port Albert and says nothing would make him go back there.
There was a bottle of oil containing lavender, tea tree and eucalyptus oil and a sign saying the sand flies were known to be around from October to March, we left today and they hadn't appeared yet.
I saw lots of beautiful birds and got some videos, which I will put on my revver site no doubt.
Port Albert is only an hour away and I haven't been there since I was a kid. I remember going with my best friend Jane's family for a BBQ one Sunday afternoon.
The port has undergone some development since then. It was a little fishing village and popular with fishermen mainly when I was growing up. I think that is still the main attraction there, but the waterfront property real estate development has also moved in and toned it up a bit.
I have to clean up and continue unpacking now. The downside of taking a trip.

Bring on the long weekend

Sooo tired. Reports are done, a week to go before holidays. I am looking forward to my friends visiting from Freo and going for a week away with Andy. I have a cold, my son's glands are up again but he has been tested and he has't got glandular fever. My best friend from school has been away with that for over a month and I miss her a lot. Pa is struggling with his treatment. The sky is falling.
Experience tells me it will all pass.

Visiting Pa II

Pa is in hospital now. He has had some complications. His chemo is progressing well though, so that was good. I have visited him both days of the weekend and also another friend who is unwell at present. I feel really lucky to have my health right now.
Today I took the kids in to see him and as we were leaving he said to them he was so proud of them and they were a credit to him. Lucky it was on the way out because I got pretty teary after that. I hate seeing him in hospital. He is so positive though. He says he hasn't had a moment's pain, not even a headache and he praises the staff and the equipment, taking an interest in everyone and everything. I feel he is a real credit to me.

Lack of Stress Bad for You

I think not having enough stress in my life makes me just as tired as having too much. Alternatively I could be coming down with something. I have felt so tired this week. I love school though. My classes are very enjoyable. My year 9s this year are sensational and I really have enjoyed every lesson with them. The journals they are doing are amazing.
Tonight I have baked more biccies and they turned out even better than last time. I visited pa again and he is having a bit of trouble, but is so positive about the people treating him. I feel so proud of him with his upbeat attitude to this. He is such a great role model for me. He will be 86 in August and he never ceases to find the good spots in his life and tell you about them. It's pretty easy to be with him.

Light in Darkness

When I visited pa yesterday he told me about the chemo he'd had. He said the nurses at the local hospital were fantastic and they treated him as a mother would treat you. This really touched me. My pa is 85 years old and his mother died when I was a baby. He hasn't had a mother for years and I felt so grateful to those nurses. I feel unable to help him at present. All I do is visit and listen to his stories, which I know is something, but you want to take away all the pain and trouble for those you love and it usually is impossible.

I realised that when people, like nurses, do their jobs with love, they are giving to so many. I reflect that back on myself and know that many parents feel concerned about their children at school and I hope I do my job with as much love as those nurses.

It's a new moon tonight. A good time to write out your goals for the month. There was also an eclipse that has been written about by all the astrologers so I won't go into it here except to say changes are supposed to be afoot. I have written my goals for the month. I strive to do this every month. Even if it is just to revisit my long term ongoing goals.

One of the astrologers I read (Yasmin Boland) advised to make a wish shortly after the eclipse, which was 9.11 in Australian time. I thought about this for a long time today. I used to make wishes with a lot more ease when I was younger. Having made plenty of wishes in my life and having had most of them come true, I am now a lot more careful about what I wish for. Sometimes the consequences of getting what you want are not exactly how you had envisioned it. I wished for more love on the planet. I think that's pretty safe, at least I hope so.

Dark Mornings

Over our back fence there are chooks and a rooster. It gives a nice farm like soundtrack to our lives. This morning the rooster was making a big racket and I got to see him.

Due to Daylight Savings being extended it is really dark in the mornings. Whilst I like it a lot, it is going to be a real bonus to have that extra hour in the morning next week.

Today was better. I visited my pa, who has started his chemo and is feeling ok so far. I got lots of stuff done and I feel pretty happy.

Weeks whizzing by

I can't believe I haven't blogged for a week. Life hasn't been that busy or stressful, in fact it has been a regular kind of week. A couple of meetings after school. Even shares of good and bad news received about friends and family. An appointment or two. Some questions to grapple with, some repairs to be done. The daily exercising and juicing and cleaning and shopping and cooking and teaching and preparing and correcting and learning and loving and discussing to name some events specifically. The range of emotions have been felt, delight at the news my friend, Sam started secondary school triumphantly, fear about my pa having cancer at 85, that is treatable but will no doubt cause pain and disruption to his life, satisfaction about stimulating classes taught and surprise and pleasure when my beloved wished me a happy valentines day. I have been tempted by offers of further study and had to reflect on whether a MA in Educational Leadership is for me, I decided not. I have been troubled by my son's outbursts that have all smoothed now and turn out to be a storm in a teacup and not the catastrophe I often fear when my kids seem unhappy. Helped my daughter with her role as school captain and felt concerned that whilst the role is within her scope of ability that it will affect her study negatively. Not a featureless week or a week without surprises but there is a feeling of dullness in me that I can't shake. A lack of inspiration. I don't know why.